The next eight weeks, doing less and loving more. Thinking about the relationships that matter the most and getting those deeper and richer than ever before. And when the fall comes, I mean, everybody’s sort of ramping up.
After American Idol, do you know what the number one, or I guess it’d be the number two show watched, traditionally, for the last couple years was? Dancing With the Stars. Did you realize that we want to watch people dance that much?
Now, I gotta tell you that for most of you would say, I don’t think I want to take my moves national. But down deep in my heart, I mean, you know, I’m not there yet, but I think I’d like to try that. But, I mean, probably not.
Most of us need to keep our day job. I got that one. But the fact of the matter is, even though most of us are probably not going to think, you know, that national dancing is where we’re going to land, I’ve observed something.
I’ve observed there’s a dance that is done - it’s done all over the country. In fact, many places around the world. But it’s uniquely done in the Silicone Valley. And I call it the Silicone Valley Shuffle. The music is very, very fast. The rhythm is very, very upbeat. And the people, I mean, they don’t just semi-dance, they dance with intensity and passion. And often to the point of fatigue.
There are four words that describe the Silicone Valley Shuffle as I watch it at times in my own life and in the lives of lots of friends. It’s bigger, better, faster, and more. That’s the Silicone Valley. See, we’re innovators. We make it happen. We’re global. We scale things.
So, if it’s done someplace else and not originated here, which is very unlikely actually, because the best comes out of the Silicone Valley. And we find it, then we figure out how to get it going better.
And so it used to be that you could have information in something this big and then this big and then this big and then this big, and then pretty soon those chips get so small and all the information in the world gets on them.
And then we send them all over the world and then, we need to be at the cutting edge and we need to get the market share and we’re moving faster and quicker and better. And then we apply that to other things.
And so, we live at a pace where, if you don’t want to work ‘til seven or eight o’clock at night, go work someplace else. That’s what it takes here.
And then, pretty soon, you think about bigger, better, faster, more. Well, you gotta do that with your kids. So, if they’re going to be really good, you gotta start them young so, like, at two years old they’re playing soccer. You know, three years old, they can’t pick up the bat but they’re trying to get it off that tee ball.
And you know what? If you really want them to do well, then you get that tutor. I have a friend, who told me his parents got him a tutor in the sixth grade and for half a day, every Saturday, he was preparing for the SATs.
His sister scored a perfect score on both the SAT and ACT. Went to an Ivy League school, has now changed her phone number twice and has no contact with her family. Does not want to talk to them ever again.
See, the Silicone Valley Shuffle is about pressure and about demand and about making it happen. It’s very unconscious and the music is always playing, 24/7. Vegas may never shut down, you know? But I tell you, the Silicone Valley drive and the push, these four words. Wherever you’re living, there’s this pressure. It’s gotta be better. It’s gotta be bigger. It’s gotta be faster.
And then if it gets better and bigger and faster then you look at what you’ve got and then, it’s gotta be more. And the music just speeds up. And it produces something. Produces this desire to be all and to do all and to have it all.
We don’t say it but our lives reflect it. You know, I’ve got to be it all. I’ve got to do it all. I’ve got to have it all.
I put three things that, over time, this will produce. It’s created a very, very complex world that moves too fast, that delivers too little, and demands too much.
When I sit quietly with people of all ages and whether they’re in high school or whether they’re running a company or whether school has just started and they’re driving all over the place with all the different demands.
The Silicone Valley Shuffle. The push, the drive, the demands. Over a time, they produce fatigue that is high, margin that is thin, relationships that are shallow, families that get fractured, marriages that drift, loneliness that reigns, addictions that surface, people who get hurt, kids that get neglected.
And our souls have a dis-ease. Not just a disease, but your soul doesn’t have peace. You lose your grounding. You lose that sense of, I’m where I need to be, moving at the pace I need to be moving.
And pretty soon, you can feel relationships aren’t where they need to be, and whether you’re a parent with your kids or with your spouse or whether you’re a single person and realize, you know, I work a lot of hours and I have a lot of superficial relationships. But a deep friend and time for you and time for God and time for authenticity and time for depth seems to be something that you keep pushing out.
That you’ll do that when this deal is done, and you’ll do that when you go public or you’ll do that as soon as you finish this project. Or right now, you know, they’re in diapers, you’ll do that when they get out of diapers. And then pretty soon, they’re teens and you’ll do that when they get off to college.
And, here’s what I can tell you. You’ll do that “when” thinking, someday, someway, somehow. And that “when” will not come unless you stop it and decide, I will simplify my life.
Now, some of you went on a vacation. I’m really proud of you. It’s interesting, the great majority of executives have a lot of vacation and rarely take much of it. Sort of an oxymoron, isn’t it? But, it’s because they’re indispensable. It’s because there’s never a really good time.
But sometimes on a vacation or a missions trip or a men or a women’s retreat, where sometimes God intervenes in his love and a stroke that doesn’t kill you, a biopsy report that comes back positive, a car crash, a little scare when, it started with a couple glasses of wine to wind down and now, you’re becoming this person that you didn’t think you could ever become as you cope.
And in a crisis, or in a time when you get alone with God, I’ve had men and women over and over and over tell me, you know, they said, I’ve gotta slow down. I’ve gotta get some margin in my life. The things that really matter, I can see, are fleeting and going away.
And the momentum and the speed of what’s happening in all the relationships with God. I mean, how can you not have time for God who made you? How can you not have time for the person that you said, ‘til death do us part? How can you not have time for the people that, half of their DNA is yours? How can you not have time for people that want to love you and care for you and be great friends? And yet, when the Silicone Valley Shuffle is rolling, you move too fast, it delivers far too little and it demands too much.
So, the question I want to ask and answer with you is, is it possible to break free of the high-speed, high-pressure, high-demand, guilt-producing dis-ease of our complex lives?
I took the word “dis-ease” because, it means something’s wrong. And I put the hyphen in it because there’s sort of, a dis-ease. There’s a lack of ease. There’s a lack of sense of pace. There’s a lack of peace.
And when you have a physical disease, what do you do? You go to the doctor, right? I mean, you know, your temperature goes up, you feel terrible, and usually, if you’re doing the Shuffle, you say, well, you know, I’ll just get through this, I’ll keep going to work.
But eventually, you go to the doctor and when you go to the doctor, you want a doctor who does something very, very important. To make a proper diagnosis before they give you a prescription. Correct?
I mean, if you went and said, I don’t feel very good. He goes, hey, I got some pills on that shelf, take these. Well, wait, wait, doc, doc, hold on. Or, you know what, I’m really struggling with, and you tell him one thing and he goes, good. Tomorrow morning, six am, surgery. You’re going, whoa!
See, the key to the right prescription is a proper diagnosis. You want him to really figure out what’s wrong before they start pumping drugs in you or cutting you open.
And the same is true spiritually. So I want to take you this morning on just a little stop to the “simplify your life” doctor. And in order to do a little diagnosis, I’m going to ask like a doctor does, right? When you walk in he goes, well, how long you been having this? Is there any of this in your family? Tell me about your diet. Tell me about your exercise. Do you have any stress in your life? And then you laugh.
But they ask a lot of questions. That’s how they do a diagnosis. And so the question I want to ask you is, what do you want to be known for? That’s the first question because there’s something behind the bigger, better, faster, more. Bigger, better, faster, more.
There’s something in you and something in me that creates this momentum and this drive and this pressure and this demand and part of it is going to be rooted in what do you really want to be known for?
And we heard it. I want to be known as a kind and loving person, I want to be known as a person who’s fair. Other people would say, I want to be known to be a great mom or a great dad or I want to be known as an excellent student. I want to be known, as one person said, a person who solves some problem, is very knowledgeable. I want to be known as someone who’s very wise. I want to be known as someone who’s…
Now, just so it’s not hypothetical, what if, this is a very low-tech instrument but it’s very helpful for when someone is talking. If you push this button on the end and write down some of your thoughts, there’s something amazing that happens between your head and your heart.
And if you had to write down, “I want to be known for” what would you write on your notes? What would you write?
Now, the problem with this question, it was kind of interesting, is, we all have two lists of what we want to be known for. There’s the list that when, someone like me asks you this. I mean, no one is writing, I want to be known as an axe murderer. Okay? I’m thinking we’re okay on that one, right?
But I’m figuring there’s not a lot of you who say, I want to be known for being a driven, over-extended, hurried parent, who doesn’t connect with my kids. Nah, that’s not a good one. I want to be known for a very successful business person who has been through two or three marriages. No, no, no, no. I want to be known for someone who’s way too busy to have any meaningful deep friendships.
See, what I’m going to say with my lips and what I intellectually want to be known for is one list. And then, your schedule and my schedule and your words and where your time and energy and money goes is a separate list.
And the bad part about life is like when we go to the doctor. When they ask, how are you eating? We tell them stuff like, I think pretty good. You know. I mean, fairly healthy. You know, I roll out of bed, coffee, you know, breakfast, get a danish, have a candy bar at noon, and you eat a decent supper. I mean, isn’t that good? Not that I do that, I’m just, that was hypothetical.
Do you see the difference? Well, let me ask one more question. If you could get it down to one word, just one word. What would you want to be known for? And I realize that’s super hard, but if there was one word that could describe you, what would it be?
One word where, if you’re a parent, your kids would say, this describes my dad or my mom. Or if you’re married, your spouse would say, this is the one word that epitomizes what, when I think of my mate, it’s this. Or one word that epitomizes what my closest friends think of me, what would it be?
Got it? I’m going to suggest that there might be a lot of good solutions, but there is one word that, no matter what word you came up with, if it’s not this word, that your word is a distant second.
And not that there’s anything wrong with wanting to be a good mom or a good dad or a hard worker or a successful business person or to start your own company or to be a great athlete or a great artist.
I mean, those desires are fine, if you could fulfill all those desires. But if you didn’t fulfill this one word, according to God, all of those are not like a close second, they’re like, such a distant, distant, distant second. If this one word does not describe my life and your life, we will find ourselves missing what matters most. And I’m convinced, the only way to simplify your life, is to get clear on what really matters.
The Apostle Paul would write one very, over-arching principle. And he’s going to tell us that anything minus love is nothing. So, if you, anything minus love is zero, or nothing, and if you had everything, everything you could fulfill, everything you could write down, everything you could dream of, minus love, it’s nothing.
And you might say, well Chip, well, where did you get that? The Apostle Paul is writing to a church that is a Silicone Valley type church. I mean, they’re high capacity, they’re very gifted, they’re situated in a part of the world that, where they, I mean, they have just great influence. It’s the Corinthian church but, I mean, they have a lot of Shuffle problems. They have dysfunctional relationships. The things that matter most aren’t going very well.
And so, there apparently was, maybe, a tattle-tail. A good tattle-tail who, sort of said to Paul, you know, that church? They’re not doing very well. Here’s all the issues. And, like, the first four or five chapters, he talks about, you know, they’re suing one another and there’s divisions and it’s, you know, all the things about living the way Jesus said, they’re just not doing very well. It’s not what you taught.
And then later, Paul gets a letter and they have a number of questions. They have questions about marriage and questions about singleness and questions about divorce and questions about lawsuits and questions about the Lord’s Supper and questions about all kind of things. The gifts of the Spirit and spiritual maturity.
And so, Paul is writing this letter to address all these specific issues. And one of the issues, he opens it up in chapter 12, verse 1. He says, now concerning spiritual. Now, you, most of your Bibles, you can actually open up, because we’re going to go to chapter 13 in just a second.
But if you open your Bibles to chapter 12, I want to give you some context here. He says, now concerning spirituals. Literally, it’s spirituals. Now, most of your Bibles will say spiritual gifts because when it’s not completely clear it’ll be in italics. And then 12 is about gifts and 14 is about gifts.
But if you study all through those chapters very carefully what you understand is, the major overarching issue of chapter 12, 13, and 14 isn’t gifts. It’s spiritual maturity. Or, what’s it mean to be spiritual?
Because, the Corinthians believed that what made you spiritual was, the gift of tongues. Speaking a language that they hadn’t learned. And they felt like really spiritual people had this gift.
Paul will argue in chapter 12 that it may be a very important gift, but the most spiritual gift is prophecy, because it benefits other people and it reveals God’s truth.
And look at chapter 12, look at the very end, look at verse 31. He talks about all the gifts and their role in spiritual maturity. And then he says, now let me show you a more excellent way.
And then he opens it up and he says, if I speak with the tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I’m a resounding gong or a clanging symbol. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge and if I have faith that can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.
If I give all my possessions to the poor and surrender my body to the flames but have not love, I gain nothing. Could you go in your notes and just underline “but have not love,” “but have not love,” “but have not love.” Three times. Right?
But have not love. And did you notice the progression? It goes from not very good to bad. Then to worse. And so, he takes that gift that they esteem and he says, this ability to speak in another language that you haven’t learned. If you could even speak it in angels languages, but if you don’t do it with love, I mean, you guys really think this is the biggie? If you don’t do it with love, you just become like a bong and a gong and clanging symbol.
And he’s referring to their background. In their background in pagan worship, they believe that you had to wake up the gods. And the way they would wake up the gods is, they would start their pagan festivals. Is they got, bong, bong, ching, ching, ching, bong, bong. And they would make all this noise that didn’t have any music or sense to it to get their god to wake up.
And so, Paul’s giving a little dig to them because there’s not love in this group. They’ve got a lot of gifts. They treat each other badly. They gossip about each other. There’s division. There’s disunity. They’ve got all kinds of dysfunction in this church.
And he’s saying, you want to really be spiritual? He said, if you had this greatest, greatest gift ever, that you think is so hot, without love, you just basically come like the beginning of your old, pagan worship services.
And so, actually, it produces nothing. Then, notice he goes on to say, if I have. So, he moves from a, performing, something that you do, to something that you possess. And then he goes back to his spiritual perspective of, if prophecy is the highest one, and he goes, even if you have that and you knew mysteries, you had all this knowledge. And you had this faith, you could trust God that, I mean, supernatural things would occur. If you do that without love, not only does it not produce anything, you become nothing. Think of that.
And then, he finally says, if you exercise, I’m sure he’s thinking here, the gift of giving that he explains to them later. If you are so sacrificial in your giving, that I mean, it’s lavish. I mean, ten percent I mean, you blew by that. Twenty percent, you blew by that. Fifty, sixty, seventy percent of your income. You’re lavish. In fact, you decide at one point in time you would actually lay down your life, allow your body to be burned, be martyred sacrificially. You are providing. But he says if you didn’t do it out of love, it profits you nothing. As you look at the next page, I want to summarize love’s supremacy and what I’ve done here, I’ve taken a little bit of liberty because in the context, Paul is speaking to them about the focus they need to have. They lived in a complex world. They were a very gifted church. They had a lot going for them.
And so I wanted to apply this passage to us and so performing in your world with the greatest gifts and abilities without love, jot down, “produces nothing.” Performing. Some of us are good at performing because we have learned that when you perform you get strokes and affirmation and strokes and affirmation, although it’s not like real love from in depth relationships, it feels pretty good and it’s a cheap substitute.
Second, possessing the best, the finest, the most amazing things you can imagine, without love, you become nothing. Now, in the context here he was talking about possessing these amazing gifts. But we live in a world, in America, and in materialism. We have all kinds of little mental markers about what you possess and what you drive and where you live and what your zip code is. And your position and what schools your kids go to, and what their SAT scores are.
And what you possess in terms of position and privilege and what you possess in terms of the esteem of other people and what you possess in terms of reputation and how old are you and how quickly are moving up? And what you possess in terms of your little kids and can they hit the ball or run faster or farther than other little kids?
And those, what you want to be known for, these get into the things that drive you. This is why so many people are living in SUVs. And eating fast food five nights a week. From mini van to mini van, from practice to practice.
This is why people don’t eat dinner together and don’t have time to eat dinner together and why couples see each other briefly in the morning, see one another with blurried eyes, and re-connect, not very well, at ten o’clock that night. And keep thinking, okay, there’s more to do, there’s more to get done, the to-do list is longer, I just gotta keep it going. And then the lie, but when this season is over, it’s always just a season. But seems like the seasons stack up on one another.
And third, sacrificially providing for those you love, the neediest. The greatest calls on earth, without love, profits you nothing. I mean, a lot of us, with our motives and our heart, it’s not we’re trying to live insane paced lives. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve talked to who’ve said, I’ve tried to slow down, I’ve tried…and I just keep getting pulled back into the rushing river of the Silicone Valley Shuffle of movement, demand, push, go, make it happen, innovate. You’re losing it. Market share.
What about this providing? And so you want to provide for your kids this, and provide yourself this, and provide that, until you can accumulate and… Now, listen very carefully. Every time you buy into a lie, and the biggest ones are so subtle, they’re coated with such significant amounts of truth, that you feel like you’re between the rock and the hard place and you can never get out.
Here’s what I wrote. Many of us live very hurried, overextended, complex lives with shallow, superficial relationships, even with our closest friends and families, because we have unconsciously learned to believe performing well, possessing much, and providing stuff is what life is all about.
Your value as a person, your significance, you gotta perform well. Who you are, what you do, what people think, has to do with possessing stuff. Some of it’s intangible and some of it is very tangible.
How you doing with this? Boy, it’s quiet in here, isn’t it? You know what? You don’t get a free pass on this because you’re a pastor. As I’ve looked at my DNA and my schedule and when I look at the list of, not what I say, but the list of, what does my behavior say? What does my schedule scream? Where does my money go?
I feel like there’s a constant battle of fighting against this belief system that possessing, performing. And even that altruistic, I’m going to provide for. Can get me going at a pace that isn’t good for my soul. It isn’t good for my marriage. It isn’t good for my parenting or grand-parenting. And it kills friendships.
So, if that’s the diagnosis, what would the doctor say? What would the “simplify your life” doctor say? Here’s a prescription for transformation.
Three things he would say. He gets his little pad out. You know, put your shirt back on. I’ll be right back in just a second. Little prescription pad’s coming out.
Number one. The secret to simplifying your life is focus. Now, this isn’t earth shattering, is it? You’re trying to do to much. Oh! You’re trying to accomplish too much. Oh! You’re trying to get your kids involved in too much. Oh! You need to do less. But do it better, deeper, more relational. But you need to do the things that matter most. Oh, okay.
Knowing that we’ve all done that and tried that and it lasts for two days to two weeks, depending on our personalities.
Rx number two. You can only do less when you purpose to love more. This, for me, is the biggest “ah-ha” of the series and this message. I have tried many, many times to tweak my schedule. Right? I’ll do a little less of this, a little less of that. And I already, I go to bed early, I get up real early. I mean, I’ve read time management books like you all have. I do my As first before I do my Bs and then I do my Cs. I do know how to multi-task.
And I’m one very intense person. And yet, I watch it just multiply and multiply and multiply until, different seasons of my life, I feel like I’ve got the seven plates spinning or juggling the balls.
And then somehow, well, that can lay there for a couple minutes and I’ll give my attention over here. Ooh, that’s my marriage, it can’t lay there very long. And what, you’ve done it, right?
If just tweaking things was about intelligence, I’m talking to a really smart group of people who, you would have figured that out by now. But the dead silence in the room tells me, there’s a lot of Silicone Valley Shuffle going on. And this isn’t an executive issue. This is a lifestyle issue. This is a mindset issue. I’m not a good stay at home mom unless I perform well and possess much and provide a lot to everyone all the time and say “yes.”
I’m not a Silicone Valley person unless I score so many points and I’m involved in this and I’m getting good grades in school and I go to this kind of a school. And this pressure and this demand has us going all these different directions and then sedating our pain and our loneliness with videos and technology and food and un-health.
And that’s why we have so many addiction issues. Because right before people get ready to crack, they just find a substitute to make them feel better.
I was in South Africa and afterwards went to Zimbabwe. And I, it’s been three years since I’ve been overseas. And as a rule, I’ve always wanted to be overseas at least once a year. And in my five years with Walk Thru The Bible, I was overseas all the time. So, I mean, it was really hard, schedule-wise, but it was great for my heart.
And, about a year and a half ago, I decided, thinking, this summer, I have to go overseas. And I have to visit orphans. And it was, yes, we want to help the orphans. And my wife and I have been financially supporting a ministry we really believe in. It wasn’t, am I going to check it out? I knew it was going to be good before I got there.
What I knew was, at the pace that I live, with the new things that I’ve taken on, unless I look into the eyes of little orphan kids who live in shacks, and unless I feel their pain and see what the Third World is like, I will just go faster and faster and try and do things bigger and better and faster and more, bigger and better and faster and more. And just because they’re spiritual, they can make your life just as crazy.
And so I remember in Zimbabwe, it was the second home, I’d been doing some teaching and our group visited a couple different homes and they have a gated place and you go into the home and they have, like, eight or ten girls and an auntie and a grandmother and they teach them the Bible and they get a good meal.
And, we went in the back and they’re teaching them to garden in order to feed them, and they had a chicken run where they’re raising chickens for their food. But I got out of the car and this little girl, in fact, she wasn’t, she was about this tall so she’s a little heavier than I’d hoped. She had this bright yellow smile, she was real shy, and she just walked up to me like this and went…
So, I, you know, got her and I put her on my hip and, you know, we walked around for a while and she seemed to really enjoy that and it was kind of like, we’re gonna go to the back, do you want to walk? I’m thinking, my back says it’d be nice if you walked.
And she just put her arms around, no. And I said, well, what’s your name? She goes, Blessing. Well, that’s interesting. And so, we went around back and she was on my hip for about twenty-five or thirty minutes. Actually, I had to change hips. And then we had a little girl that was thirteen years old that was taken off the streets when she was about five.
And you don’t know what it’s like for a little girl in Zimbabwe or around the world in these countries that are on the streets with no parent at five, six, four, seven.
Just let your imagination go and it’s a little bit worse than that. And this little girl, after now, four and a half years, five years in this home, was amazingly articulate. And not only amazingly articulate but she began to talk about, not just parroting verses that she’d memorized. I have a relationship with Jesus now. I get to eat every day. But the most important thing is, and she looked up, because a pastor comes, like, every other day, along with the auntie and the grandmother, she says, I have a family. And I’m loved.
And she just beamed. And I just thought, you know, I just sat and I thought, with Blessed on my hip, these kids possess what so many of us are chasing after. You know what? They’re not taking drugs to fall asleep at night. They’re not wondering how to balance seventy-five to-dos.
The simplicity of their life, I love God. I love these people. They love me. We want to help others in the way that we’ve been helped. And I just thought, that is a blessing. And what I realize for me was, the only way, this was a big “ah-ha.” I’ve tried to do less. But other stuff creeps in, right?
There’s always that great opportunity. And then, it always comes with, here’s a great opportunity, it’s right down the middle of the plate and, by the way, this great opportunity is only going to come now and if you don’t swing at it right now your kids are going to miss it or you’re going to miss or the business is going to miss it.
And it’s strategic and it’s great and you can do this and you could add it to your schedule, your not going to take anything off but you’re going to mentally say and act like you are.
And so, one more thing gets on there, right? And I just realized, my “no” isn’t strong enough to keep stuff off my plate until I have a lot stronger “yes.”
How did I have two weeks to go be with orphans? And when I was with them and I was with these pastors and when I saw the Third World afresh, all of a sudden, some of the stuff that felt so demanding and some of the people and things I needed to say “no” to.
It’s easy to say “no” to doing less when you’re saying “yes” to loving more.
The third Rx is, begin to redefine success. Begin to redefine success from, how did I do? That’s a performance question. And, is that not like a Silicone Valley…? Mom, how did I do? Dad, how did I do? Teacher, how did I do? Coach, how did I do?
Corporate earnings, how did I do? Change that to, who am I becoming? You might write above the question, how did I do? Performance. Then put an arrow. Who am I becoming? That’s a character question.
What do I have? That’s possessions. Put an arrow from that and move it to, how am I using it? Not, what do I have? How am I using it? You move from possessions to stewardship.
And the third question is, how much to I give? What if you changed that question to, why do I give? So it goes from providing to motive.
What we have before us is one of the greatest chapters in all of Biblical history. But I want to tell you, the Apostle Paul did not sit down one day and say, you know something? I would like to write a literary masterpiece. I’d like to write something that people, whether they were Christians or non-Christians, all over the world, when there’s ever a wedding, they would read this.
I want to provide something for people who love to decoupage. I want plaques to be filled in future Christian stores all over the world, I want it to be put with little lists of poems. You know, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Apostle Paul. If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels yet have not love. Right? If I prophesy…
You know, he was not trying to do that. In fact, what you’re going to find is, we’re going to spend our time and we’re going to walk through this. He doesn’t even define love in 1 Corinthians 13. He gives us fifteen descriptions of love beginning at verse 4.
And in the fifteen descriptions, I’ll show you a little bit later, he takes, at least fifteen of their dysfunctional, hurtful, bad, superficial, relational fallout behaviors, and every one of these things is a corrective so that they will be loving in their relationships.
This is a very practical chapter. He’s talking about, instead of suing one another, here’s how you do. Instead of feeling hurt and rejected and betrayed and gossiping about people, here’s what you do. Instead of living this way, here’s what you do. Instead of shacking up with your mother-in-law and being sexually immoral, here’s what you do.
I mean, this church had major problems. But if we’re going to love more, the danger is that we will think that love is an ooey-gooey feeling and I have, I feel better, God. I had seventeen point five seconds of ooey-gooey feelings with my wife and eleven point seven seconds of ooey-gooey feelings with one of my kids. Or, I’m a single person and I had coffee and we had a deep talk and I feel better.
Now, all those things may be good. But here’s the question. If simplifying your life never works by just saying you’re going to do less but the secret is loving more, the fundamental question is, what is love and how do you practice it?
What does it really mean to be loving? And I’m going to get us started and we’re going to start real small. And remember What About Bob? We’re going to take baby steps, alright? We’re gonna, for the next eight weeks, you know, we’re going to take little baby steps so you need to be here.
And we’re going to learn to start loving - what love really is. Not an emotion. Not a good feeling. But a choice to treat other people in a way that you don’t have the power, apart from God giving it to you, but we’re going to learn to love other people. And I want you to start with those closest to you. Family, friends, spouse, irritating in-laws.
And so, notice what he says. Verse 4. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It’s not proud. Just underline “love is patient, love is kind.” That’s all I’m going to cover today.
We’re going to take one baby step toward how to become more loving people. Because as your love will get deeper and deeper and practical this week, you will gravitate and spend energy and time there and you’ll start doing less and loving more.
Love is patient. The word is “macrothumus.” Macro, meaning broad or to spread out. Thumus has the idea of passion. Some translators say it is, to have longsuffering. The idea is - it’s not in reference to being patient with circumstances - this word has to do with being patient with people.
This says that when someone says a little remark that hurts your feelings and so you shut down and turn on the remote. This says someone who, you know, you wanted to be romantic on a certain evening and you got turned down so you decide, you know what? I’m not, I’m just not going to respond to her. Or him.
This is that little comment that your parents make and you just say, well, forget it. I’m gonna shut my door and, you know, play a video game. This is someone at school who says something to hurt your feelings and you just find yourself telling another friend what a jerk and how she’s stuck up and who does he think he is?
This is a different way to respond to hurt. Basically, love is patient, love is kind. He’s addressing the same issue. It’s one coin. The issue is this and write this down. How do I respond when people hurt me? And you don’t have to be in the church long to know you’re going to get hurt.
And we hurt one another in families. And we hurt one another in friends. And we hurt one another in ball teams. And we hurt one another in business. How do you respond when a word or an action or a neglect or someone doesn’t invite you or someone says something about you? How do you respond when there’s a little hurt or a wound?
My reaction is, I’m going to do it back. Or I’ll passive aggressively say, did you hear what he did to me? Or, she did that, therefore, you know, some of you will lash out with your words. Some of you will pay back later. Some of you will passive aggressively leak and be sarcastic. Some of you will cut your parents off.
This passage says, you want to learn to become loving? Here’s what it says. Love is patient. Then the word “kind” is only used in this form in the New Testament. And it’s giving an undeserved response of goodness, winsomeness, and encouragement to the person who’s wounded you. And I can’t give it in my strength. But you said that to me and it hurt my feeling, I’m going to go to the bedroom and I’m going to forgive you. And then I’m gonna think about how could I affirm and encourage you? Because most people who hurt you, it usually comes out of a wound in their own life.
Can you imagine what’s going to happen in relationships if that’s all we do? Love absorbs the blow and gives a hug. Now, some of you have some historic situations and there’s some abuse situations and issues that you have, kind of, in the background. And this does not mean that, you know, you go home now and say that, you know, the father that abused you, sexually - you know, you think we could form a meeting?
I learned from God I’m supposed to hug you. No, no, no, no, okay? Let’s not over simplify. There’s issues and boundaries. But let’s just start with the everyday relationships of where we live in our homes or in our apartments with roommates and at work and our neighborhood. And let’s say, what would happen if we absorbed the blow like a pillow and we returned a hug?
That’s really what Jesus did, isn’t it? When he was on the cross, he was hurt, rejected, beaten. And it wasn’t just by those people, it was by our sin. And what did he do? He absorbed the blow. Into your hands, Lord, I commit my spirit. And then he died, he rose from the dead, and he said, Father, forgive them. He was kind. He loved.
Think about Nelson Mandela, what apartheid did. He had twenty plus years to think about, ‘how will we respond to the hurt that we’ve had in this country?’ And he absorbed the blow. He returned a hug. One of his secret service people we were with - she’s a committed Christian - she said, you should have seen this man and how he demanded that the white people would be treated after he and the blacks in South Africa were treated. It’s love.
And we’re going to learn, you know what that does? It never fails. It’s powerful. Actually if you want to jot in your notes, this is about being a Romans 12, verse 14 through 21 Christian. This is supernaturally responding to evil with good. This is just normal for God’s people.
And so let me give you a little assignment. To what degree are you doing the Silicone Valley Shuffle - what does your life and schedule indicate you want to be known for? That would be a real honest one to answer, now wouldn’t it? Second, what’s the biggest barrier to you slowing down and simplifying your life? Jot that down. Have coffee and talk with someone that you can trust and is safe.
Third, how can you begin to be more loving this week and with whom? Let’s just get it to one person – as you’re thinking right now, write someone’s name down. Who is it, you know, that has a little wound, a little hurt, a little dissing - you feel a little rejection. Who could you just absorb the blow, forgive them, and give them a hug of some sort? Might be a note, might be a word of encouragement. Might be bringing something up and telling them you forgive them, I dunno what it is, God will show you.
And then here, finally, why is it so critical to understand how much God loves you in order to become more loving? See, your first assignment – are you ready? – your first assignment is not go be more patient and kind and loving.
Your first assignment is to let God do that for you. Some of us, the reason it’s so hard to love, is we don’t let God love us. When we mess up, we beat ourselves up, we feel condemned, ‘I’ll try harder’…
Yesterday, I did one of the dumbest moves in my car probably in the last ten years. And I got in the wrong lane, and then I cut over about two and a half lanes to make a freeway exit. And as I pulled through – and you know I kind of had it – but I did it too fast, I did it too quick. And then I didn’t see it, and a guy was out in the crosswalk. And I, you know, he got by, and I got by – and you know, because I was in a hurry – the Silicone Valley Shuffle – I mean, I just thought…And then it was real quiet, and Teresa looked at me and was like, ‘oh my’.
And she should’ve just wailed on me. And I finally said, ‘are you ok? She goes, ‘yeah’. She goes, ‘you know you almost hit that guy?’. And I said, ‘I know it’. And then I thought of how my whole life could be different because of a hurried, stupid, foolish act.
And then I started on this journey of – you know, Chip, you know, you’re not this, you’re not this, you’re not this, you’re not this - and because of this message, instead I just stopped and said, you know God, thank you for not giving me the consequences I may have deserved.
And for that man - I just totally blew it, Father. I am so sorry. I wanna remember you’re patient with me. I’m gonna receive your forgiveness right now. And for some of you, you’ll never be patient with others, until you let God be that for you.