How to Love Those Who are "Different", Part 2

Let me give you four reasons from Scripture why it’s so hard to accept one another. I’m just going to highlight them.

Four roadblocks, four enemies to genuine, authentic, biblical acceptance that leads to life in relationships.

The first one is judging others’ faith by extra-biblical standards. The technical term for it is legalism. Legalism is judging others by extra-biblical standards. And what I mean by extra-biblical is that we evaluate things, not based on what the Bible actually says, but by other stuff.

Let me read Romans 14:1 to 5 and then verses 10 and 13. Just follow along and see if you don’t pick up the drift. “Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.” With them, it was whether you should eat meat or just vegetables, whether you should worship on this day or that day.

“One man’s faith allows him to eat everything, but another man whose faith is weak eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has,” here’s our word, “accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

“One man considers one day more sacred than another, another man considers every day alike.” It’s true in our day, isn’t it? Some people worship on Saturday, some on Sunday. “Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.”

Skipping down to verse 10, “You then, why do you judge your brother, or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat; therefore stop passing judgment on one another, instead make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.”

The context, these are those grey areas. See, the first thing that kills acceptance is when we think our extra-biblical standards with regard to another’s life or faith is the measure by which we judge. And we don’t.

The second thing, Bible calls “favoritism.” Judging others by external appearance or possessions. That’s favoritism, or discrimination, partiality, whatever you want to call it.

2 Corinthians 5:16 says, “So, from now on, we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.” Another translation says, Paul is talking about his commitment to the new covenant and his ministry, and he says, “I am compelled by the love of Christ.”

And as he goes out to minister and to love people, he realizes he has internal prejudice. He is a born Jew! That means he doesn’t like Gentiles. And God has called him to love Gentiles so he’s got a problem!

I love, the New American Standard translates this, “Therefore, from now on,” the apostle Paul writes, “I’ll regard or judge no man according to the flesh.” He says, “I will no longer look at a person’s outward appearance or their background or what they have or what they don’t have or what they wear or their racial background or where they have come from. None of that, even though I have known Christ according to the flesh, I’m not even going to evaluate that that way any longer.”

James chapter 2 verses 1 to 5 puts it very clearly. He says, “My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don’t show favoritism. Suppose a man comes in your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man with shabby clothes also comes in.

“If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, ‘Here’s a good seat for you,’” hear the favoritism? “But you say to the poor man, ‘Um, you stand over there or, uh, on second thought, sit on the floor next to my feet,’ have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

“Listen, my dear brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom He promised those who love Him?”

You know why we’re not accepting of one another? Because we judge people by their outward appearance and we judge people by their possessions. When someone pulls in next to you at the grocery store or the church parking lot, you have an opinion. If it is a beat up VW van in the late sixties model with peace signs on it, you have a different opinion if it’s a Beamer on the other side.

And what I want you to know is you have no idea what is going on in either of those people’s heart and neither do I.

We’ll learn there are areas we are to judge; this isn’t one of them. Appearance isn’t one of them.

The third reason, according to the Scripture, is prejudging. This is judging others based on preconceived notions about them. Luke 6:37, it says, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

This is sort of the generic kind of judgment where I’m not to judge another person based on preconceived notions or ideas. In other words, I’m not to evaluate a person based on they come from a different culture.

We are to accept one another despite differences in our race, our culture, our physical appearance, our economic status, our theological or religious background, our personalities, and our philosophical differences. We’re to accept one another and we’re to transcend all that!

Does it mean you necessarily agree with them? No! Does it mean you approve of their lifestyle, of their views? Not necessarily. Does it mean you accept them and grant them admission into your heart? Yes. It does. That’s what Jesus did. And we’re to accept one another – how? The way He accepted us.

Now I’ve got to be careful right now because this is a button of mine. I have been around Christians and it doesn’t matter which side. They can be either on the Republican side or the Democratic side and especially with all the stuff that’s going on now.

And it blows my mind. It blows my mind that your allegiance to a political party can take precedence over your allegiance to another Christian. And I hear people talk about, “Well, this is what I think, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, because I’m a Republican.” “Well, this is what I think, nya, nya, nya, because I’m a Democrat.” I’ll tell you something. Our allegiance to Christ is above all that.

You can disagree on political issues and love one another and accept one another. But I’ll tell you what, it doesn’t happen in a lot of churches.

Our commitment to accept one another, it’s got to transcend race. The leading, cutting edge of reconciliation of people who treat one another with dignity, regardless of their race, ought to be born again Christians. And if it’s not, shame on us.

And philosophy and culture. We don’t have to agree with people that look differently. We don’t have to agree with people that have bizarre looking behavior, in our minds. But we need to love them, and we need to accept them.

What did Jesus do? What did Jesus do? Jesus, the word, it’s our word, welcomed sinners, welcomed differences.

The fourth reason is I call it “mind reading.” Judging others in areas that it’s impossible for us to assess accurately.

1 Corinthians 4:1 through 5 develops it but let me read just verse 5, by way of summary. “Therefore,” the apostle Paul writes, “judge nothing before the appointed time and wait until the Lord comes, He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.”

We cannot judge other people’s motives. And yet we do it all the time. “She said she was sorry but I know she didn’t mean it.” Oh really? “He said he came here for help and he really wanted to have a fresh start, but he is a loser. He’s just playing the system again.”

“She said she wants to reconcile but I know she just isn’t getting enough support. I know she doesn’t mean it.” “My son or daughter said he really wants a fresh start, but they have pulled our chains so many different times, no way.” “That person said they want to be involved in our ministry. I know really she is just interested in that guy or he is interested in her.”

It’s amazing this ability we have to read people’s minds, isn’t it? To know exactly what they’re thinking, why they are thinking it.

Now, if you’re a leader, a parent, or a marriage partner, or have an analytical mind, you really struggle with this one. Because what makes you good at these things, what makes you good at these things… See, you read people’s motives or their thoughts just often enough where you’re right, where you think you’re right all the time! Right? “I know what you’re thinking.” No, you don’t!

I have had great struggles here and God and Theresa have really helped me. That’s where I got the title. I’ve had cars pull up and I’ll look at the sticker and this and this and that and this, this and I’ll think – I’m telling her their life story. And she’ll turn to me and say, “You know what? You don’t read anybody’s mind. You don’t know what God’s doing.” That’s right.

Now, we know the meaning of the word “accept.” We know it means “to grant admission into your heart; to welcome and to receive.” We know that you desperately need it, I desperately need it, we’re commanded to do it, and if you’re a Christian, you already got it! So, we ought to just make this happen!

But because of legalism, favoritism, because of this judging, this preconceived prejudice that we have, and because of the fact that we think we are mind readers, we don’t accept one another.

Does this mean that we should never judge? Isn’t that what our world is saying? If someone is in sin and you say, “Hey, you know what? I think that behavior is wrong.” “Who are you to judge me?”

Or if someone is doing some things that you know are really wrong and are really going to hurt them and you step in and say, “Hey, I really want to talk to you.” “Oh, who are you to judge me?” Does the Bible actually teach that we should never judge? I want to tell you, absolutely not. We are not to not be judgmental but there are certain areas and I’m not going to go through them but I am going to give you a Bible study.

There are certain areas you are commanded to judge! Look at them. We are commanded to judge when there is interpersonal conflict in the Church, 1 Corinthians 6. Two other believers have a problem, it was lawsuits in this case, we are commanded to step in and judge, so they don’t embarrass the Church by taking it to court.

Secondly, if there is immoral behavior in the Church, 1 Timothy 5:20, 1 Corinthians 5. Immoral behavior? We are to confront them and say, “Hey, this is wrong.” Does that sound like judging? Yes. You know why? It is. Because we are supposed to. We’re commanded to.

Third, when someone sins against you, Matthew 18:15 to 17. When someone gossips about you, sins against you, does something wrong against you, you should go to them, first in private and say, “Hey, I think we have a problem here.” “Who are you to judge?” “Well, God told me to, Matthew 18:15 to 17.” “Well, I won’t listen to you.” “Great, verse 16, I’ll bring back a friend.” “Well, I’m not going to listen to either of you!” “Great, verse 17, we’ll tell it to the Church.” Does that sound like judgment? You better believe.

The fourth is when God places you in a position of spiritual responsibility, 2 Timothy chapters 3 and 4 are just filled with, “Spiritual leaders, you better judge and assess the conduct, the purity of what is going on in the body.” You better judge it rightly, according to your whims? No. According to Scripture.

The fifth reason, to maintain doctrinal purity. Clear passages, when people are going into heresy, judge it. Confront them. How? Lovingly.

Too much soft, middley-piddley, “Well who am I to say anything?” You are to say something if you are in the body of Christ and if wrong doctrine is being floated around.

“Next then, is when Church unity is threatened. 1 Timothy 5:20 says if you have a divisive person, warn them once. Warn them twice. After that, don’t associate with them. Get rid of them. Does that sound judgmental? Yep. It is. God’s unity and purity are more important.

So, don’t be judgmental. Accept one another. Speak the truth in love. But in certain areas, you must judge. And don’t buy the culture saying, “Who are you to judge?” I’m a believer, I’m commanded to do this. And I’m not doing it because I’m down on you, I’m doing it because I’m commanded and I love you.

Well, how do we grow then in accepting one another? First of all, just remember what’s at stake. If you want to love people, if you want to be connected to people, the testimony of Christ, the impact in the world, your needs, their needs, this is non-optional. We have to accept one another.

Second, refuse to compare. That’s a good place to start. Just in summarizing all that you have heard. Where do I begin? I’m not going to compare myself with others. I’m not going to compare. That’s a great place to start.

Third, renew your view of others. Renew your view of others. You’ve got to look at people differently. I have such struggles with this that I have a little card, I call them “desire cards.” They are desires I have that God will do in my life.

And it’s not happening and so I feel like if I get it in my mind, I pray about it, and I read it over, then little by little, God will do it. And I put my desire card in this area. I am a very judgmental person. I’m a very analytical person. I assess things quickly. I make snap judgments. I think I can read your mind. I know what’s best to do. Just ask me.

It’s ugly! It’s ugly! I have had private conversations with myself, evaluating other people that I know nothing about, that are so ugly I can’t stand to be in my own mind with me! I’m serious.

So, here’s my desire card. I read this over, try and do it several times a week. I read this, “I’d like to view others in light of their eternity and need, instead of by their outward appearance, possessions, status, or abilities.”

“I desire to, I desire to view others through their eternity.”

You know, when you start looking at people and the first label you put: “Are they lost or are they found? Are they loved and secure, a part of God’s family or are they in need?” It changes how you think.

I want to view people through their need and their eternity. What I have found is the people that disturb me, that really make me crazy, they usually have been through some really hard times. And instead of judging their behavior, their actions, their morality, how they are dressed, what they drive, and all that stuff, I start thinking about, “I wonder what their need is? I wonder why they have to act that way? I wonder why they have to be so exhibitionist in that fashion? Why are they trying to gain so much attention?” And you know what happens? Compassion starts to come up.

See, when you view people in light of their need, and you view them in light of eternity, then you can look past appearance, possessions, abilities, and status.

The real key to accepting others is understanding how deeply accepted you are by Jesus. Do you got that? Do you feel accepted? Do you feel loved unconditionally and indiscriminately?

It would be a shame to talk about us accepting other people if there are people that haven’t received the acceptance of God. I’m going to come back right afterwards and if you’ve never received Christ, if you don’t know what it is to be forgiven and cleansed and be totally accepted, right where you are, unconditionally, indiscriminately, today you need to bow your head, and say, “God, help me understand what it is.”

And if you understand enough, today is the day. Receive the acceptance, the forgiveness of Christ. Invite Him into your life to save you, forgive you, cleanse you.