How To Overcome Inferiority and Low Self-Image, Part 1

Did you know that according to personal observation it is almost impossible for a human being to walk by a mirror and not look at themselves? Did you know that when you are giving a photo to someone and their picture is in it with a group of people, that the very first person that they look at is themselves?

Did you know they did a study of five and six-year-olds and they found that how a child views him or herself is a higher determinate of success than even their IQ? Did you realize that how you view yourself is pivotal in the quality of your life and the quality of your relationships? It’s what I call “Mirror Madness.”

We’re all involved in it every day. We’re all asking and answering questions, sometimes it’s physically when we look in the mirror. But more often it’s emotional and psychologically as we look into people’s eyes, and we have these thoughts, as we look into the mirrors of life. And some of the questions we’re asking are: Who am I? Where do I belong? Do I fit? Am I okay? Am I competent? Am I a somebody? Am I significant? What are other people going to think of me?

So, let me ask you, when you look at the mirror, what do you think? When you look into the mirror what do you see? Do you see someone that is unique, beautiful, wonderful, full of potential? Or do you look in the mirror and say, “Oh, I wish I was a little taller, a little shorter, a little thinner, a little stronger.”

When you walk around in your world, what are the messages that you say to yourself? Do you look at other people and say, “Boy I’m glad they’re the way they are, but I’m glad who I am.” Or do you unconsciously say, “They all look happy. They’ve got it together. They have lots of friends. I don’t think I’d fit in. I don’t think I’m worth very much. I hope no one asks me anything, because I’m sure I don’t have much to say. If I really got to know them, I know they wouldn’t like me.”

Do any of those thoughts ever float through you mind? They do for most of us. See, the problem with the “Mirror Madness” is that there are more distorted mirrors out there than there are good mirrors. And distorted mirrors will destroy our lives. Because a distorted mirror doesn’t tell you the truth about who you are. A distorted mirror, it gives you a picture of what’s not true.

Have you ever gone down to the Boardwalk and gone through one of those fun houses or at a carnival, and they have the section where the weird mirrors with all the bends in them?

Those are really funny except, you know what the reality is? The reality is for most of us, all of our lives, through our culture, through the media, through multiple relationships and family, we have distorted mirrors that have been telling us stuff about us that is totally untrue.

Can you imagine living if the only mirror, what if there was never a real, true mirror and you walked around looking like you do, but you thought in your mind, “I am one foot tall and I’m nine feet wide.” Now, the reality wouldn’t change, but if you thought that way about yourself, just imagine how you’d buy clothes. Imagine certain places you would never go. The beach would be out for you.

Let me give you three distorted mirrors. The first is the appearance mirror. We are shot through with it, especially in this country. It says: My value depends on how I look. So, we find pretty people and we give them millions of dollars, we give them all kinds of make-up, wind machines, and multiple surgeries so they fit this ideal. And then we all try and be like that person. It’s how you look.

The second distorted mirror is the performance mirror. My value depends on what I can do. You’ve got to be good. You’ve got to be successful. You’ve got to be a great athlete. You’ve got to be a great student. You’ve got to be a great artist. You’ve got to be a great this. You’ve got to be a great that. You’ve got to be able to do, do, do, do, do. And so your whole life, your whole value revolves around your performance. If you do well you’re great. If you don’t do well you’re a loser.

The third, distorted mirror is the status mirror. My value depends on what other people think of me. And so we dress, talk, drive, buy, go to certain groups, don’t go to certain groups, eat certain things, don’t eat certain things. Why? Because it matters what everybody thinks.
Those three distorted mirrors are tools that will destine you, and destine me, to feel inferior. Because the rules always change, don’t they? It’s a no-win situation. We’re talking about how to overcome inferiority and low self-esteem.

My thesis is: until we see ourselves as God sees us, we are destined, not maybe, we are destined to feel inferior. Until you, and until I, can see in my mind’s eye, that can sink down into my emotions, how God looks at me, as the true mirror of who I really am – that my value doesn’t depend on how good I am, my value doesn’t depend on how I look, and my value doesn’t depend on what other people think – until you get free of those things, you are destined to feel inferior.

Now, before I go on, let me highlight something. What I’ve said so far, most of you, you haven’t nodded because it would be embarrassing. But in your hearts most of you have been going, Yeah, man, that’s right, man, um-hmm, I don’t like me very much I mean real down deep.

But there’s a small percentage of you, and you wouldn’t say this either because it would be more embarrassing, it’s sort of like, “I like me. In fact, I wish most people were like me. In fact, the world would be a lot better like me.” And you look in the mirror and you say, “This is how people ought to look.”

And when you go to work everyone’s slower than you. And you’re thinking, Man, if they could just get with the ballgame. And these kind of people often project ultimate confidence, like they’ve really got it together. Can I tell you something? Everyone feels inferior. Inferiority just wears multiple masks.

Paul Tournier in a book that literally transformed my life, the book had one thesis and then the rest were stories. He’s a Swiss psychologist of many years ago. The book is out of print, but the book was called The Strong and the Weak.

The thesis of the book: Every person is desperately inadequate and insecure. And all of us, as human beings, will either express that with strong reactions or weak responses. So, we’re all insecure, we all have this feeling that something’s wrong, that we’re inferior, and so some people will be shy, withdrawn, low self-esteem, I’m not worth much, no one wants to hear me, I probably wouldn’t do very well, I don’t want to try because I’d probably fail, I know they won’t like me, to cover their insecurity.

But, there’s another group of people who are just as desperately insecure, who say, Man, I’ve got it together. I’m going to be on top of this. They’re powerful. They’re aggressive. Hey, get out of my way. And you know what those strong things are doing? Covering the same insecurity. I know, I was that person growing up. Arrogant, loud, pushy. Because I was so afraid if anyone saw who I was really like inside, I knew they’d reject me.

Here’s what I want to do today. I want to tell you that you do not have to be in bondage any longer to the distorted mirrors of our world. But you can do three things, three keys God’s going to give us today. Now, it’s going to be a lifetime of working it out, but you can get the data today. There are three keys to getting what I call a healthy biblical identity or a healthy self-concept.

The first one has to do with knowledge. You must get God’s view of you. You’ve got to see yourself from God’s perspective. It’s knowledge. Remember what Jesus said? “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” Good job. If you don’t know the truth about you, you’ll believe lies. But knowing the truth doesn’t change your life.

The second key is you must believe God’s view is true. See you can know it, but think, That’s for everybody else, but not me.

And then third, you must discover the you that’s true. You’ve got to experience, you’ve got to get involved in some risky, out of your comfort zone, relationships where you actually experience, through people, being deeply loved and deeply affirmed. And we’re going to talk about how to do that.

So now, by the way, what I’ve given you today you can do a Bible study for the next week or two. I’m going to just highlight, because what I want you to do is get the big picture. I’m going to give you five reasons why you are very significant, regardless of what the world may or may not say.

You’re significant first because you are unique. Jot that down. Genesis 1:27 says you’re made in the image of God. Psalm 139:13 and 14 says, “For you, God, created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I know that full well.”

You’re unique. You are not one in a million. Your DNA is different than any other person on the face of the earth. God created you uniquely. That makes you significant. It’s like an original piece of artwork. There’s an original piece and there are prints. God doesn’t have any prints. You’re an original. So, you’re significant.

Second, you’re significant because you are loved. Jeremiah 31:3 says, “The Lord appeared to us in the past saying, ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with loving kindness.’”

Because of some things in my background, I have a hard time with that. The performance trap is mine. I feel loved when I do well. And I feel not loved when I don’t do well. That’s a lie.

I’ve been working at letting it soak into my mind, seep into my heart, and realize: God loves me unconditionally, not because of anything I ever have done or I ever will do, but because He is Creator, I am creation, and I am the object, I am the object of His love and compassion.

See, God doesn’t love somebody, somewhere out there. He loves you. He’s totally committed to you. He knows your situation, your struggle, your hurts, your depression, your relational chaos, your dysfunctional background, and He looks at it all and He says, “I love you and I want to be close to you.”

Third, you’re significant because you are valuable. 1 Corinthians 6:19 and 20 says, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own. You have been bought at a price therefore, honor God with your body.”

See, we always evaluate things by what they cost, right? Now, I would never want to be a slave of any kind in any situation. But if I were a slave and they were selling us, I’d like someone to walk up and say, “I’ll give you five million dollars for Ingram,” because if I’m going to be a slave, I want to be a valuable one.

I don’t want someone to walk up and say, “I’ll give you $5.95 for him and I don’t think he could lift a thing.” The fact of the matter is though? We’re all slaves. Before you trusted Christ, the Bible pictures you, and pictures me, as being in the slave market of sin, bound by desires and lusts that we can’t break out of. And the Lord walked in, as He saw you on the block in the slave market of sin, and He says, I’ll take this one, this one, this one, no, you know what? I’ll take them all. Price tag?

The death of My Son, the blood of Jesus paid on the cross as your substitute. That’s how valuable you are to God. And we get uptight, like, Oh, God doesn’t care about me, and won’t He show me what’s going to happen in the future? And what am I going to do about this? “He that spared not His own Son, how will He not with Him freely give you all things?” Our problem is not that God doesn’t love us. Our problem is we don’t believe He loves us.

Fourth, you are significant not only because you’re unique, loved, and valuable, you are secure. Things that last have a lot of value. Paper plates aren’t worth much in my home. You eat off them, they’re done. It’s priceless heirlooms – they’re going to last. That’s what’s valuable.

You want to know how long every believer in Jesus Christ is going to last? How secure? Ephesians chapter 1, verse 13, it says, “And you also were included in Christ,” speaking of believers, people who have come to Christ. Well, when did this happen? “…when you heard the Word of truth, the gospel of your salvation.”

Having believed at a point in time in our life, we need to come to where we believe in Christ, that He died in our place, and we receive Him as our Savior. “Having believed,” notice this, “you were marked in Him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit.”

You’re secure. The word picture here meant a lot to people when this was written because in Roman days they would put a seal on a document. The wax and then the emperor would put his ring on it. No one could break that document except the power and the authority of the emperor.

God says when you trust in Jesus Christ and accept the free gift of salvation, you are sealed, but not with wax and not with a ring, but it’s with the authority of God Himself He seals you and marks you off by the Holy Spirit. In fact, the Scripture says that the Holy Spirit is a down payment or literally, it’s earnest money to remind you of how valuable you are and that every promise God ever made to you in Scripture is going to be true.

I’ve heard of people, they’re putting their house on the market and they get two or three bids. They’re getting more than they’re asking. And as they do that, what do you ask people to do? To put down earnest money. You put fifty thousand dollars down on a house, you’re pretty interested. And you know what God has done? He’s put down earnest money. He’s placed the Holy Spirit in you, as a believer, as a deposit, to let you know He’s committed, and you’re secure.

Now, wait a second. Do you really think this way about yourself? Do you believe that you’re loved, that you’re secure, that you’re valuable, that you’re unique? Let me give you one more.

[Fifth], according to God, when He looks at you, not the person next to you, we’re talking about you, you are indispensable. Indispensable. Ephesians chapter 4, the apostle Paul is talking about the Church and how God put it together. And the Church isn’t a building. It’s just a place where anytime believers are gathered, that’s the Church.

I encourage you to take those passages and do a little Bible study and let it sink down through your mind into your heart.

First, you need to understand faith is built on God’s Word. [Romans] 10:17, “Faith comes by hearing, hearing by the Word of God.” I do not understand this. I don’t understand it, but I’m telling you that when you expose yourself to the Scripture, when you hear the Word of God, when you read the Word of God, when you put Christian music on that has content, and lyrics, and truth, faith grows.

Secondly though, it’s not enough just to be exposed to the Scriptures, it grows when you renew your mind. Romans 12:2 tells us, “Don’t be conformed any longer to distorted mirrors. Don’t be conformed any longer to this world, but be transformed” – how? Metamorphosized – from within – changed, “by the renewing of your mind that your life or your lifestyle could demonstrate what the will of God is. That it’s good. That it’s acceptable. That it’s perfect.” The key is the renewal of your mind.

See, one of the things, I’ve got some real problems with the whole “positive thinking” movement. They promise pie in the sky, you think it, think and grow rich, think and do this, think and do that. A lot of that is, think and buy their books and they get rich, is how it works. But there’s a tremendous kernel of truth in the positive thinking movement. You know what it is? You are what you think. You are what you eat and you are what you think.

Whatever you think, eventually, because that’s scriptural, Proverbs 23:7, “As a man or a woman thinks in her heart, his heart so he or she becomes.”