How to Restore Others After Moral Failure, Part 2

The apostle Paul, in Galatians 3:19, uses the word “trespass” instead of the word that’s translated here for “sin,” and they are different words. In 3:19 it means God draws a line in the sand and says, “Thou shall not,” and you say, “You want to bet?” And you walk across it.

I’ll never forget, the best picture of this in my life, it was many, many years ago. I got a phone call; I had a meeting downtown in Dallas. And a fellow was going to be at that meeting and in his voice was frantic. He said, “You’ve got to come forty-five minutes early, I’ve got to talk to you.”

And I didn’t know, he said, “I can’t talk on the phone, I’ve got to, meet me there.” And, see, it was a restaurant we were going to meet at and so I met him in the parking lot, no one was there, I pulled in, he motioned, I got out of my car, got in his car, closed the door, he turns to me, his face is flush. I mean, whoo, just white. Red, then white.

And then he starts to tremble and he’s a pretty big, strong guy. And I said, “Man, what’s going on?” He said, “I don’t even know where to begin.” And then he begins to recount a history. And he began to, he became friends with another couple and they did some things as couples and then he became friends with the other man’s wife, and they were both rather athletic and they got involved in doing some athletic type things, and played in some different things.

And so they said, “Well, you know, we’ll go out and practice a little extra,” so they went without their mates and one thing led to another, and then they talked a little bit more deeply.

And this was a Monday afternoon, I remember, because apparently Sunday afternoon they had been involved in their athletic activity, and at the end of it they sat down, began to talk, and he said, “I kissed her.” He said, “Then afterwards, and it wasn’t a little peck, and then she pulled back and she looked at me like there was fire in her eyes and she said, ‘I don’t want any half-baked affair. If we’re going to have one, I want a good one. If you’re not willing to leave your wife, your kids, marry me, and make a commitment to me, I will not be involved in this affair.’”

At least he got a good warning. And here’s a guy, a godly guy, a great wife, great kids, theologically trained, greatly used by God, and here’s a guy who, “Oh, it could never happen. I mean, we’re friends! I’m mature. She’s mature. We would never, we would, of course not. And…”

He was one leg in the rapids, pulling him downstream, and he had the wisdom to yell for a life preserver. And so, I drove down and threw him the life preserver. And by the grace of God, we not only talked, we prayed. We decided when and how he would tell his wife, we decided when and how those two couples would meet with pastors and elders of the church, we decided what it would mean long-term for ministry implications and how we would plan to have a restoration plan. And we walked through it all and he was restored.

But I wonder, I wonder, by the grace of God, probably because I was in shock, I just listened. But you know something? I wonder how he would have responded if I would have crossed my arms and said, “What?! You’ve got to be kidding me! That’s wrong! That’s sin! I thought you were a better man than that! What is wrong with you? I can’t believe what you’re, that’s terrible.” I’ve got a feeling, two weeks later, the other foot would be in the rapids and he would be over the waterfalls.

See, a fellow Christian is caught or overcome by sin, that happens all the time, doesn’t it? And before we get too self-righteous, the person it may happen to next may be sitting in your seat.

People don’t plan to mess up their lives. People don’t plan to bail out on important relationships. People don’t plan to steal. We do really dumb things under pressure, when we’re vulnerable. So, what do we do? What’s the command?

Well, the command is the spiritually mature are to restore this believer. It’s in the present tense. Restore and keep on restoring. And notice this isn’t for everyone. You may spot the situation, you may realize this is happening, you may be the person to get this person connected to the spiritually mature. But if you’re not spiritually mature, don’t try and restore.

And then it says the spiritually mature are to restore. What exactly does that mean? It means to adjust, it means to put something in order, to put back together. It means to equip or fully furnish someone for a given purpose. The basic meaning of the word, used fourteen times in the New Testament, is to restore to its former condition.

It’s not just getting them out of the rapids, it’s not getting them on the bank, it’s not just getting them dry. It’s getting them where they don’t go there anymore, and they are living a fruitful, productive life.

In the New Testament, it’s used for mending of nets. Something is torn, it needs to be repaired. It’s used for the equipping of a ship, taking extra sails and extra masts, anything a ship needs. For equipping a soldier. That means his sword, his shield, everything he needs to go into battle and be productive. And finally, it’s a medical term that is used for the setting of a bone or a compound fracture or something that is out of joint or dislocated.

What’s the common theme in all of those? Something is broken, get it back in a position where it can be mended, let it get fixed, put it into some kind of, instead of physical therapy, spiritual therapy where it grows in strength. Why? So that it can return to the former condition of grace and impact.

The goal for my friend was not simply to, “Whew, boy, I dodged a bullet, I’ve got some credibility to be doing, I obviously was vulnerable.” God’s goal was he would go back and have as great or greater ministry than he had before he slipped.

So, the goal of discipline or restoring is never punishment. It’s love. It’s not just to bail them out; it’s to help them move on. It’s not just to get the joint back together; it’s to do all the hard work that it takes for them to be fruitful again.

How? What’s the method? Gentleness. This is the same word if you look back in Galatians 5, you know, the fruits of the Spirit where it says, “gentleness?” Same word. This is the same word, remember when Jesus, one of the few times in Scripture where He describes Himself and He says, to all of us that are weary and heavy laden, hey, “Come to Me. Come to Me. Take My yoke upon you,” why? “because I am meek,” that’s the same word. “I am meek in heart.”

The word literally means not meek, when we think “meek”, we hear “weak”. It’s not. Meek is power under control. It’s used in the ancient Greek literature for a wild stallion for the process of taming it, where there is all that power, but with a small bit in its mouth, it’s under control.

So, you’ve got an animal that has all this explosive power and yet with a bit in its mouth after training, you can put your five or six-year-old son or daughter and walk it around and everything is safe.

That’s what we do when we restore others. We be as tough, as firm, as strong but always with a sense of love, humility, concern, “we care,” “we are for you.” Never a pointing, loud, aggressive, “you’re a bad person,” type attitude. He says, “Just don’t do that. Don’t go there.”

So, he has told us the situation, a fellow Christian is overcome with sin. The command? Spiritually mature, restore them. The method? Gentleness. The warning? Restoration is a dangerous process, even for the mature. It says, “Watch yourself.”

The word is skopeo. We get “microscope.” It means, “Look intently at what is going on in you during this process, lest you too be tempted.” Two ways I think we get tempted here: The one is as they are in the rapids, and there’s something, I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about the human heart, even after we are born again, even after the Spirit of God comes into our life, even after we are cleansed, there is something in your heart and mine that just loves the morsely details about other people’s sin, you know what I mean?

See, the Globe and the Enquirer are convinced of this and People magazine. Why? What do they do? When you walk by the checkout stand or you go by a 7-11, what are the titles? Some star’s name, “Delirious Romping Episode at Midnight Mansion.” Now, tell me if there is anyone in here that doesn’t have a tiny desire, at least once to say, not that we would be interested, of course, but “I wonder what they are talking about.”

You see, when you begin to help another person and they begin to share some things about what they went through, there’s part of you that’s the spiritual, “Oh, yeah, mm-hm, can understand that, we’ve got to really help you out on here, mm-hm.” And in the back of your mind there’s a, “Oooh.”

And, boy, that’s why this is only for the spiritually mature. People trained in the Scriptures. People who have a good, healthy hate for sin, people who say, “You know what? That may look juicy on the outside. It does this, it does this, it does this, it does that. It destroys people and, boy, I don’t want any part of it.”

In fact, when I talk with people, especially men with struggles in pornography and things, I say, “Guys, give me the CliffsNotes, just tell me you got a struggle. Don’t tell me, that’s all I need. I’m a visual thinker. If you need to unload some of the details,” and there are times where people need to, “I’ll get you set up with a great counselor who is trained.” I can’t go there.

The second way we are tempted is not only that we will get lured into the same sin, or and especially in these opposite sex, trying to help someone out of their sexual problems, I mean, how many pastors, how many counselors, how many times nationwide have you and I just been devastated by people that we have looked up to, that have written songs and done albums and we have read their books. And they have so blessed us.

And then we find out – what? Man, they are in the sack with someone else or they stole money or did something that you just think, “How could it be?” I’ll tell you how it could be. The great majority of the time they are doing counseling, trying to help someone else out of something like that.

This is a heavy warning. And the temptation to think that they are maybe a second-class citizen in some way and not to fully forgive them the way God would want you to.

Warning: It’s a dangerous process.

Finally, verse 2 gives us the summary: Bearing one another’s burdens involves the arduous task of confrontation, forgiveness, comfort, and loving fallen believers back to a position of fellowship and former fruitfulness. That idea – bear one another’s burdens – you know what it really means? It simply means taking on the moral responsibility for other people’s spiritual welfare.

It means I’m going to bear one another’s burdens. If I know about blatant, open sin in your life, passive indifference is not an option. I can’t just say, “Ooh, boy, it’s a shame.” Shrug my shoulders. “That’s sad.” I can’t do that.

But the other thing I can’t do is I can’t come with some self-righteous finger saying, “I’m so disappointed in you and I can’t believe you did that and what a disgrace you are to God, family, country, apple pie, and everything we have ever stood for.”

Bearing one another’s burdens says, “I’ll do it God’s way. But people who have actually fallen need to be loved, forgiven.” Now, they have to repent. In fact, that was the case. Turn in your Bibles, 2 Corinthians, briefly here, 2 Corinthians chapter 2.

That situation I told you about? It turned out for good. The best research I can find is that after about eight months, this fellow who was involved in immorality with his mother-in-law? He repented. He said, “I’m sorry.” He said, “I want back in the fellowship. It was grievous unto God, will you please forgive me?”

And the church had sinned. The church got to the point where they were just a little too self-righteous to let a person like that back into the church. And the apostle Paul writes in 2 Corinthians chapter 2, beginning at verse 6, he says, “The punishment inflicted on him,” the man, “by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to,” listen to these verbs, “forgive and comfort him,” why? “so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you therefore to reaffirm your love for him. The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything.

“If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven, if there was anything to forgive, I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake,” notice the purpose clause, last line, “in order that Satan might not outwit us; for we are not unaware of his schemes.”

See, the enemy’s job is to get the Church not to deal with sin in the right way. See, if you’re in a church and people can sin openly, blatantly, and people will shrug their shoulders, I’ll tell you what, the hand of God will not be on that church. God blesses holiness and purity.

But on the other hand, if a church gets self-righteous and, boy, you step out of line, they get legalistic, and they have this kind of attitude, I’ll tell you what, people don’t want to be restored there. It’s like going to, shooting your wounded. God’s blessing won’t be there.

And see, what he says here is, “We’re not unaware of Satan schemes. If you let sin go, then sin is in the camp, it’ll destroy the church. If you’re unwilling to be forgiving, sin is in the camp, but now it’s the leaders. It’s just a more sanctified kind of sin. It’s a more sanitized kind of sin.”

But whether it’s an immoral situation over here or a group of leaders who are unwilling to forgive, sounds to me like it’s sin, I think Satan’s, “Heads I win, tails I win. I like this.”

And so, Paul says, “What do we do?” You understand the grace of Christ. You treat him how He is treating you. With people who have come, what were the verbs? Forgive, comfort, reaffirm your love.

In fact, I would encourage you, one time this week, to jot down, I put it in the notes, Luke 15:11 through 32, read the story of the prodigal son. And read it over from the perspective of someone who knew what was right, didn’t do what was right, his life fell apart, and came to the point where he said, “You know what? I’ve got to do it God’s way.”

And he came back to the father. He didn’t get a father with his arms crossed saying, “Okay, give me fifty push-ups now.” He had a father who said, “I won’t let you be a slave; you must be my son.” He put sandals on his feet, a ring on his finger, a robe on his back.

God doesn’t just want to get people out of the deep. He wants to dry them off, wrap His arms around them, love them, forgive them, and restore them to fruitfulness in ministry.

But people can’t do that on their own and they can’t do it unless they are in a safe place where, one, we don’t tolerate sin, and two, we refuse to be judgmental and self-righteous.

I’d like to summarize just the major points. The first is that we serve the God of second chances. If you’re here today and have really blown it and no one knows about it yet, it’s good news for you, huh? If you’re like all the rest of us and have blown it and have already found forgiveness for it, good news for us.

You serve the God of second chances, and thirds and fourths and fifths. What’s it mean? It means we all fall to some degree at some time.

Secondly, it means we must resist our fears and insecurities that lead to passive indifference. I don’t want to confront people any more than you do.

Third, it means we must resist our desire for justice and self-righteous tendencies that lead to painful insensitivity. You should be angry when people let you down, you should be mad when it destroys a home and kids are hurt, you should be angry. And once you work through your anger, you need to, probably, if they are a close friend, express it to them calmly, under control, and then forgive them. And then move on.

Fourth, we must restore, not shoot, our wounded.

And finally, how can we fail to do for another what Christ has done for us?