A Biblical Perspective of Sex and Sexuality

As Christians, our approach to sex and gender must be marked by grace and truth. It’s got to be marked by grace and truth. One of the things I love about Jesus when He was here, this marked His life. I love how John puts it. He said, “The Word became flesh and dwelt among us,” when God lived here. We have seen His glory; we saw how awesome God is.

And so, when we watch how Jesus interacted with people it gives us some understanding of how we approach these issues. And it’s interesting to me when you read through the gospels, one of the things that was said about Jesus often is that He is friends with sex workers. He’s friends with people who struggle with all these issues. It’s just amazing to me this combination, the holiest person who ever walked on the planet lived in a way that some of the most broken people felt comfortable around Him.

And I love how Jesus, remember when they brought to Him the woman who was caught in adultery? She’s clearly in sexual sin. And the crowd came and they want to stone her, they want to kill her, not because they really desired to; they kind of want to trap Jesus more.

Remember how Jesus dealt with her? I love the combination of grace and truth, that He looked at all of them and He said, “Okay, the first one without sin, go ahead and throw your stone. If you want to condemn her, go ahead if you’re without guilt.” And they all kind of drift away. And then Jesus looks at her and this phrase is so important. He says, “Does no one condemn you?” He says, “I don’t condemn you. Now, go and sin no more.” You feel the combination of the grace and truth?
And it’s important that you get those phrases in the right order, because a lot of people think when it comes to these issues, what God is telling us, “If you’ll go and sin no more, then I won’t condemn you.” If you’ll get your life together, sexually, then there’s no condemnation.

And what you need to hear is in Christ, it starts with no condemnation. That’s what grace is. The grace that is given to a person, “I don’t condemn you,” but – and here’s the other
side of it – in Christ He looks at them and says, “Go and sin no more.” He is willing to call the behavior sin. He is willing to call them out of that life and lifestyle.

See, as much as the pendulum has swung over here when it comes to grace, I think also we are living in an age where the pendulum has gone the other way where we are scared to talk about the truth and we are scared to say it explicitly and we are scared to say what the Bible says about it and we think in a way that’s the loving thing to do and I don’t want to do that.

And, yet, what did Jesus say about the truth? Look how Jesus put it. Jesus said to the Jews who had believed Him, “If you abide in My Word, if you obey Me, you are truly My disciples. You’ll know the truth and the truth will set you free.”

And I think in the Church, we have gotten to the point that we are so scared of saying the wrong thing that we would rather not say anything. And in that fear we have pulled back and we are allowing ourselves but especially the next generation to be discipled in the ideology of the world on these issues.

I am praying, I want to do this in a way that is full of grace. That no matter where you’re coming from, no matter what you’re struggling with, I am so thankful you’re here. Because I think it begins in Jesus no matter where you are. It begins with a God who approaches us with no condemnation. But in the same way, I think the Bible speaks truth.

And hearing that truth, depending on where you are, can be really painful at times. It can be painful, maybe, for your own life or someone you love that is really struggling with these issues and you feel their pain. And we have been so conditioned that as soon as we feel pain, we automatically assume, well, this is painful. What they are saying must be wrong. I don’t want to increase anyone’s pain, but I want you to experience freedom. And Jesus has said explicitly His truth, His Word brings freedom.

And so, as we walk through this, how do we always approach with the grace of God, but how do we speak with the truth that people need to hear? Because Jesus loved us enough that He not only brought truth, He spoke truth.

Let me walk through some principles with you. All humans are designed by God as sexual beings. All of us. Whether you’re married, whether you’re not married, you are a sexual being. It doesn’t mean everybody has sexual activity, but all humans are sexual beings.

When He created us, God created man in His own image, in the image of God, He created him, male and female he created them. This connection with male and female and man and woman from the beginning, they were created in that way. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth.”

Part of their core command is they are supposed to have sex so they can fill the earth with image bearers. They are never going to be able to carry that out unless He created them in a way that they are sexual beings. And not only that, they are designed in a way to be partners together to have dominion over the earth. Dominion, to rule, to shape the planet for God’s glory. And so, both man and woman, male and female, are brought together in that.

Now, as I use those terms, we have separated those in ways when man and woman refers to sex, in our culture today, and male and female refer to gender. We’ll dive into how do we talk about these terms from a biblical mindset, but I’ll just say at the beginning all of us are designed as sexual beings. Now, sometimes we don’t treat anyone other than married people as sexual beings. We talk about sex in church and it’s for married people and the rest of you, well, you just kind of figure it out. And so, part of it is recognizing, no, the Bible speaks to all of us.

As we look at this, the second thing, sex as designed by God is very good. After Adam and Eve are there on that last day of creation as God looked at it He saw it all and He said, “It’s all good.” Not just good, very good. And this is right after Adam and Eve have seen each other for the first time, He has created them.

And so, I just say that because sometimes we don’t say this enough in church. Sex is very good. It’s a very good part of God’s creation. And I say this for young people, God is the one who came up with it. He’s not weirded out by it, He’s not like ashamed of it, it’s not this dirty little secret for Him. He’s like, no, this is core design. This is a core part of it.

And so, as a young person, especially as you start and you go through puberty, you go through life with that and you just suddenly have these desires and this attraction and all that, that’s part of the design that God has made and it’s good. He knows that. He knows this is going to be a powerful force in your life. He knows this is going to be something that according to His design, it doesn’t He has designed all people to get married, but according to His design, even self-control in sexuality is a good thing.

We need to, as a church, as people with young people, with adults, with single adults, that we talk about this in an open way where people are struggling, where they are learning in it because it is such an important part of life. So, I encourage you, that as we talk about it, we learn together. The human body is very important to God. God made bodies. Sometimes we so emphasize the spiritual life we don’t emphasize our human bodies.

Look at the time He spent forming the body. You realize He formed the body before He gave the spirit, before He breathed life into it? Look at it. “The Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into His nostrils the breath of life and the man became a living creature and the Lord God planted a garden in Eden in the east and there He put the man whom He had formed.” God literally reaches in the dirt and does a sculpture. He creates a human.

And then out of the man the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall over the man and while he slept He took one of his ribs and closed up the space of flesh and the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, He made into woman.” That word made literally means fashioned. It wasn’t just like, okay, let’s slap something together. It’s like fashioned the woman and brought her to the man.

Now, just think about this for a moment. Everything in creation, all the beauty of creation, all the great things we have seen, all of it He spoke into existence except those who would bear His image. And He cared enough about their bodies that He stops, He literally forms the man. He fashions the woman. At a foundational level, your body matters to God. What you do with your body matters to God.

All of us were made for relationships and companionship. So, when Adam was alone, God looks and everything is good except for one thing. Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him.” I will make a partner – fit means corresponds.

In other words, “I am going to bring a partner to him to bring what he cannot bring. And together they are going to be able to fulfill the command,” remember the command? “Fill the earth and rule the earth.” And you need both of them to do both. And so, He says, “I bring this partnership out of that.” Now, that’s how He fulfilled it with Adam, but in the world today that’s not how He fulfills it with everyone. Not everyone is called to be married. But here’s what I would highlight: None of us were called to be alone.

And why do I say that? Because remember we were created in the image of a relational God. And so, God has always been a relationship. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have always loved each other and known each other. And so, when we are created in His image, there’s a core part of us that longs to love and to be known and to be in relationship. Now, marriage is one way of fulfilling that relational need, but it’s not the only way.

We are the only group on the planet, we are the only organism on the planet that have been united by the Holy Spirit so that relationally we open up our lives, we open up our homes, we create companionship that isn’t just marriage-based. And it’s important for those of us who are in a marriage to look around and go, “How am I doing that? How am I fulfilling that in the way that Christ designed?”

God’s design for sex is for a man and a woman in a lifetime commitment of marriage. Let me say this explicitly; this is God’s design. This is what Scripture teaches.

And you see it from the beginning. When Adam and Eve came together, “Therefore, man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife. And they shall become one flesh.” That “one flesh” connection is talking about sex as a part of that, it’s a core way of consummating that marriage. “The man and his wife were both naked and they were not ashamed.” There’s no shame in it. There’s openness; there’s vulnerability.

Now, some have looked at this and they said, “Well, okay, yeah, of course that was the Garden of Eden. Everything was perfect. Is that still the standard for today?” If you look through the Bible, when Jesus talked about marriage, look how Jesus described it. Because they were talking to Him about divorce. They said, “Can’t we divorce?” Divorce was very prevalent in His day. And so, they said, “Shouldn’t we be free to divorce?”

And Jesus said, “Well, let’s go back to God’s design. But from the beginning of creation,” notice what Jesus is telling us. Hey, why don’t you go back to the first stories, why don’t you go back to how God launched it, why don’t you go back to the original design so you can learn from it?

God made them male and female. So, He is emphasizing it. A marriage is a man and a woman, male and female. “Therefore, man shall leave his father and mother, hold fast to his wife, the two shall become one flesh.” So, He is quoting that verse again. And then He says, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let not man separate.”

So, Jesus even adds to it. He says, “Hey, this is the standard. Learn from the beginning and what God has brought together, you hold fast to that.” And I just say this because you’ll hear a lot of people today when they talk about this, they want to redefine it. And, guys, God said it pretty clearly and explicitly. And He designed sex to be between a man and a woman in that lifetime commitment of marriage.

And as you look at this, and especially how sex is today in our culture and it’s used everywhere, you know, I think of God’s response to what we have done to it. And I think we always picture God mad. I think God is sad if anything, because He knows how beautiful it is, He knows what a gift it is.

Human sexuality was impacted and distorted by sin. We recognize the fall. When sin came into the world it impacted how we treat each other and it impacted our sex lives, it impacted how we think, it impacted for some people their sense of attraction. It impacted identity in different ways. Sin has this distorting effect with it.

Look at it from the very beginning. Right after Adam and Eve committed sin, “Then the eyes of both of them were opened and they knew that they were naked.” That’s the first thing they know about themselves. Isn’t that interesting?

They look at each other and they go, “Woo, I feel vulnerable.” “They sowed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. They heard the sound of the Lord walking in the garden in the cool of the day and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.” They suddenly feel this nakedness, they feel this shame, they feel a need and notice this, and I think it runs true whenever there is sexual sin in our lives, a need to hide from God, to be away from Him.

Notice what God does. “But the Lord God called to the man and said, ‘Where are you?’ He said, ‘I heard the sound of You in the garden and I was afraid,’” there is fear connected, “…because I was naked and I hid myself.” Remember when I told you, these metanarratives, they explain life? Man, does this not describe how all of us respond in different ways when there is sexual sin or we struggle?

And God said to him, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree which I commanded you not to eat?” And here’s one of the things I love about the Bible, the Bible is not shy about talking about sex and sexual sin. I mean, if you start just in Genesis, start at the beginning of Genesis, from this point forward and look how many times sexual sin shows up even in the first twenty-five chapters of Genesis.

Some of you sitting here, maybe you’re struggling with something in your life, and your immediate response is exactly like Adam and Eve. There’s a part of you that is terrified that - if anybody knows this about me - part of you that is ashamed.

And here’s one of the number one lies that the enemy wants you to believe, that God is sitting there just so mad at you, waiting for you to get your act together, waiting for you to clean up your life. And, yet, go back to the first story. What is God doing in that story? He’s looking for them. He goes and finds them. Even in their shame, even in their nakedness, even in their rebellion, even in their sin God is a God who looks for us.

And even in the middle of that, He makes a promise to them that through your seed, through sex, through a baby that will come will be a Savior. And there’s a hope and there’s redemption.
Here’s one of the things I love about the Bible, the Bible is not shy about talking about sex and sexual sin. I mean, if you start just in Genesis, start at the beginning of Genesis, from this point forward and look how many times sexual sin shows up even in the first twenty-five chapters of Genesis.

I mean, you go to Genesis 6, you know why it describes why the world was flooded? The way people treated each other and there was just this rampant sexual immorality. Right after the flood, one of Noah’s sons sees him naked and there is some sexual shame or sin that he committed. You go a little bit later, there’s Abraham, father Abraham having sex with his slave, Hagar, because he’s trying to figure out a way to fulfill God’s promises his own way.

Go a little bit later, you see Lot and there’s Lot in Sodom and Gomorrah and angels come to see him and a group in the city that come for a gang rape. And Lot offers his daughters. And then Lot gets out of the city and a little bit later, Lot and his daughters, they are there, they get their dad drunk so they can sleep with him so they can have babies.

Now, even as I’m walking through that, some of you are like, “Ugh.” And this is the Bible. And by the way, it’s only focused on the people of God. I say this because the Bible is not shy about representing this distortion that has come because of sin.

And, yet, go back to the first story. What is God doing in that story? He’s looking for them. He goes and finds them. Even in their shame, even in their nakedness, even in their rebellion, even in their sin God is a God who looks for us.

And even in the middle of that, He makes a promise to them that through your seed, through sex, through a baby that will come will be a Savior. And there’s a hope and there’s redemption. I love that because redemption in Christ brings forgiveness and healing to every area of our lives including our sexuality. There’s nothing beyond the pale of Christ’s redemption. There’s no sin, there’s nothing you have done, there’s nothing beyond what Christ has accomplished for us.

I love how Paul puts it in 1 Corinthians. And just to give you a little context, 1 Corinthians talks a lot about sex, because Corinth was a very sexual city. There was sex everywhere. And this church was struggling with it, by the way, in different ways.

And so, Paul, when he writes them, look how he puts it. He says, “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?” People who are not right with God are not part of His kingdom.

“Do not be deceived, neither the sexually immoral,” married or not, “nor idolators,” people that have made an idol of something in your life, “or adulterers,” now it’s talking about married people, “nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers,” will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

Something on this list got you. Anybody here struggle with greed? Isn’t it funny though that’s not the sin we go to. We’re like, “Ooh, yeah, those bad sexual sins.” Paul goes, “Hey, greed is just as bad.” Any of these sins will keep you out of the kingdom of God.

But then, well, look at what he says, “And such were some of you.” That’s not you anymore. Why can he say that about them? Because they so got their life cleaned up and they are such perfect people? No, he wrote a whole letter dealing with their issues. But here’s what is true about a believer in Christ: you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

This is why he can say that about them. That is not you because of what Christ did for you. This is what it means to be justified. I have been washed by Christ, I have been declared righteous. And if God says it about me, it has to be true, because God can’t lie. But I know some of you are going, “Yeah, but Tim, I still struggle with it.” That’s where that sanctification, that’s where that journey in Christ comes of: how do I walk in my struggles, living in my identity in Christ?

And here’s the core thing I want you to take away on this, especially on this point. Our culture is trying to tell you today that your identity is your struggles, that if you’re struggling with it, that’s who you are. And that’s not what Scripture says. If you are a Christian, your identity is Christ. And all that He is and all that He has done and all that He accomplished and all of His righteousness, that’s you. And you have got to embrace that. And you go, “Yeah, but I struggle.” He’ll deal with the struggles, but you have been declared righteous in Christ.

And if we don’t start with that identity and this is one of the reasons I think we have got to talk about this more, because we are allowing the culture to convince the next generation they have a different identity based on real struggles. And we have got to call them unashamedly, “Your identity is in Christ. As we say that as well then, God’s good purpose[s] for sex are still fully in place today.

And if I were to ask you, “Why did God design sex? What’s the purpose of sex?” I don’t know what your answer would be. Bruce Miller who is a pastor in Dallas, he talks about the fourfold purpose of sex that you see in Scripture. Four reasons God gave us sex.

First of all, first one is sex is a celebration of the marriage covenant. “And so, therefore, man shall leave his father and mother, hold fast to his wife, the two shall become one flesh,” this is Jesus talking, “they are no longer two but one. What God has joined together let no one separate.”

And so, Jesus is emphasizing that. When a couple comes together sexually in that, it is an ultimate celebration and I would just say this as a married couple, every time you have sex, you are renewing your vows, you are renewing your commitment to each other. It’s one of the reasons Scripture commands us sex is so important in a marriage relationship. It’s that renewal of commitment, it’s that vulnerability together, it’s that openness together in that.

What it’s teaching here is sex is not just sex. You can’t just go, “Well, it’s just sex. I’m not really making that kind of commitment, Tim, when I have sex.”  Look how Paul describes it, though. He says, “Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her?” In other words, don’t you know you are making that same commitment that God designed sex for as a marriage commitment? “For it is written, ‘The two shall become one flesh.’”

See, he says, “You don’t get to rewrite the design.” And as much as you tell yourself it’s just sex, it’s never just sex. You’re writing a check with your body that you may not intend on fulfilling. That’s why it’s so powerful.

The second reason for sex: Sex is for pleasure between a husband and wife. It’s for pleasure. I mean, the Bible explicitly teaches that.  Look how Proverbs puts it. He says, “Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth.” And then he is describing this wife, “A lovely deer, a graceful doe.” We don’t use that language today. Back in that culture, that was like you’re saying she’s really sexy. “Let her breast fill you at all times with delight,” and look at that word, “be intoxicated always in her love.”

I mean, there’s something about celebration. Now, notice how he puts it though. He says, “rejoice in the wife of your youth.” He doesn’t say, “Rejoice in your young wife.” Nor is he saying only rejoice in your youth. What he is describing here, and here’s the picture in Scripture, it’s supposed to be a lifetime celebration, a lifetime enjoyment. Doesn’t mean it’s without struggles. There are struggle’s in everything but there’s great joy out of it.

The third reason: Sex is for the procreation of children. It’s to make babies. I love in Genesis 4 when Eve has a baby for the first time. She’s amazed by it. Genesis 4:1, it says, “Now, the man was intimate with his wife and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain and then she said, ‘I have created a man, just as the Lord did.’” Or the Hebrew also says, “With the help of the Lord.”

She literally can’t believe in the same way I was taken out of Adam, a baby is taken out of me. I get to do this, I get to be a part of this, this is unbelievable. What a gift. That’s why Psalm 127 says children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him. Do we recognize that the key part of sex is to be able to have kids?

The fourth reason is: Sex is a celebration of God’s loyal love to us. Do you realize that when a couple is committed in a sexual relationship for a lifetime, and they protect that, you get the privilege of modeling how God treats us? Paul says it in Ephesians 5, and again he’s quoting Genesis again, you see the same quotation. “A man leaves his father and mother, holds fast to his wife, the two become one flesh.” He’s talking about they come together sexually. “This is a mystery. It’s profound that two can become one. I am saying this because it refers to Christ and the Church.”

So, one of the reasons that we get this privilege of not only experiencing a sexual relationship, but protecting a sexual relationship is we get to model to the world how much God loves us and how faithful He is to us in that.

Let me give you a few more. One, as Christians, our bodies are not our own to do with as we please. If you are a Christian, you know, you hear the phrase, “My body, my choice.” That’s not true as a Christian. It’s not true. It’s not your body. If you have said before, “Well, it’s my body as long as I don’t hurt anyone else.” As a Christian, that’s not true.

Why do I say that? Go back to Corinth again, remember? Paul had to write a lot to this church about it. He says, “Flee from sexual immorality, any form of it. Every other sin a person commits outside the body, but the sexually immoral person commits sin against their own body.” Sex, when you commit sin in it, it actually hurts your own body.

And then look what he says, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you?” If you’re a Christian, this is true of you. “…whom you have from God,” you got your body from God. And then he says it explicitly here, “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So, glorify God in your body.”

It’s not your body. Jesus paid for your body. And so, everything you do with your body, everything you experience, it’s under His authority, because He’s the one that paid the price for you. And I think for all of us, if we just embrace that, the health that brings, but it also may change our thinking in some fundamental ways.

A couple other things. As husband and wife we have sexual responsibilities to each other in marriage. So, if you are married, look at this, when Paul says, “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights and likewise the wife to her husband, for the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” So, if you’re a Christian who is married, you doubly don’t own your body. It’s God’s first and it’s your spouse’s next. You realize that?

[A] couple more things. A committed relationship and/or cohabitation is not the same as marriage in God’s design. Look what Paul says. He says, “Concerning matters which you wrote, it’s good for a man not to have sexual relationships with a woman, but because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own,” what does he say there? “committed relationship.” No. He says, “Wife.”

If you want to stay away from sexual immorality, you have your own wife or she has her own husband. Look a little later. He addresses it explicitly. “If anyone thinks he is not behaving appropriately toward his betrothed,” so, he’s talking to a guy. You’re engaged, you’re in this relationship, and you keep crossing the line. “If his passions are strong and it has to be, let him do as he wishes. Let them marry. It’s no sin.” You hear his prescription. Get married.

And even as I say that, some of you maybe here today, you’re living together or you’re in a sexual relationship as a couple. And as I say that, you just feel the weight of that. Or a lot of times, you feel stuck. You’re just like, “Okay, we want to but we can’t.” Here’s my commitment to you. I’ve got to speak to you the truth of what the Bible says so that you know what that truth is. And then here’s our commitment as a church: Let us walk with you. Talk to someone.

I promise you, we only teach this because there is freedom. But if your temptation is to hide or to ignore it, you’re not going to experience the freedom that Christ offers.

Give you my last point here and then we are going to close out. According to God’s good design, sex will be surpassed in the new creation. You say, “What do you mean by surpassed?” No sex in heaven? I don’t think so. From what I can tell, look how Jesus puts it. Jesus said to them, “You are wrong because you neither know the Scripture or the power of God,” they are trying to trap Him with a question. He says, “For in the resurrection, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like the angels in heaven.” And so, that marriage oneness, that bonding that comes out of that, it’s not in heaven.

Now, we’ll still have relationships in heaven. I have full expectation to see my wife and family and all that. But from what I can read out of it, sex is not a part of that.

Now, as I say that, some of you are like, “I don’t know if I want to go to heaven without sex.” I remember hearing this as a teenager, my first thought was, “Oh crud, I’ve got to get married and have sex before Jesus comes back.” Yeah, I mean, and maybe you feel that right now and the reason you feel that, it’s those desires God has given you. They are good desires. Remember, sex is a good thing.

But just for a moment, if we can’t conceive of a place that is good without sex, what does that say about the position we’re giving sex? If Jesus says in Revelation that He can make all things new and the reason I use the word “surpass,” God has got something better than sex for you that my mind can’t conceive it in some ways.

More joyous, more pleasurable, even greater and no one is limited from it, whether you’re married or single, whoever you are. We enjoy that together. See, it takes faith to actually believe that, doesn’t it? But that’s what Christ offers. If you’re here today and in my blitz I hit something that you’re struggling with, right now, the emotion Satan wants you to feel the most is hide. Don’t tell anybody. Because he likes you trapped and he likes you where you are.

And so, I say that no matter what issue I talked about, of people who are struggling - struggling with adultery and struggling with sexual immorality, if people that you’re struggling with pornography, struggling with same-sex attraction, struggling with sexual identity… the Church has all that. And, by the way, this is the place to be to struggle with all that. Because we serve a God of grace and truth that can lead us into freedom.