Facing Internal Opposition
From the series Keep Pressing Ahead
Few things in life are as painful as having a good friend or trusted adviser turn on you. Have you ever been there? Well, if you’re facing opposition from those in your inner circle, join Chip and learn how to neutralize the opposition and bring unity back to the relationship.
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About this series
Keep Pressing Ahead
How to Make it Through Anything
There are times in our lives when we simply get to the point that we say, "I can't take it anymore!" This depression is just too dark. This marriage is just too hard. The job I lost, the family member I buried, the junk I'm going through. And deep, down inside your heart you say, "I quit. I'm done." And though you may go through the motions on the outside, you've just had it. Your mind says, "I've got to trust God," but your heart says, "I've heard it all before and it's not working for me." You begin to drift - from people and from God. This series, drawn from Nehemiah, will help you overcome adversity and keep you pressing ahead no matter what.More from this series
I want to start a little bit differently. If you’ll pull out your teaching notes, will you look at the back page? You don’t usually start in the back. But Nehemiah is our example. He’s blazing a trail and showing us how to deal with adversity. And what I love about this book is that he helps us remember that adversity comes in different forms and so you need to respond to different kinds of adversity or trouble or tribulation in different ways. And so, you notice in chapter 4, adversity came because he obeyed. And for some of us, that just knocks us off kilter.
I took the step, we decided as a couple to go to counseling. Or, I decided, you know something? I’m going to get my finances in order. Or, I’m going to – I joined a ministry. I’m going to address an important issue. I have a good friend, earlier this week, who just decided, “You know, I just can’t get up. This week, I am going to get up and meet with God before work.” He said, “Man, this has been the hardest week of my life!”
When you do what is right, when you follow God, often, it’s adversity. 1 Peter says, “Don’t be surprised,” don’t be shocked. So, he prayed, he prepares, and the enemies were thwarted.
Notice, though, when you go to chapter 5, the adversity is not because people are doing something good. The adversity is because they are doing something bad. You notice their disobedience. You kind of reap what you sow from Galatians 6. And then what you’re going to discover is there is a different way to handle it.
So, now, turn to the front of those notes, if you will. And what I want to do with you is talk about how to face internal opposition. When external opposition fails to thwart God’s work, you can almost guarantee that you’ll have the next attack, and it will be from within. And if you, like me, got shocked when, “Lord, I’m doing exactly what You said,” and it gets harder, instead of easier, and you go, “What’s the deal?” Once you realize that’s normal and to be expected, that’s helpful.
But then, when I take the next step, and the people that I think should be for me, and supporting me, and family, friends, people in my small group, maybe a pastor – and they’re the people that are the problem – I don’t know about you, but I just go nuts.
How do you handle that one? Well, here’s what I want you to know. When that happens, you’re not alone. It happened to Jesus, didn’t it? And, by the way, this isn’t always from bad people. Sometimes it’s from the most well-meaning people that really have what they think is your best in mind.
Peter tells to Jesus, “Don’t go to the cross. That’s not a good plan. I rebuke you!” And, of course, later Jesus rebuked him and said, “Get behind me, Satan.” Judas – of course, his motives weren’t good at all. And all the while, he set up Jesus for a financial kickback that he would get by turning Him in.
And so, here, Jesus – He’s got all this opposition from the Pharisees; He’s got all these issues He’s facing. One of His closest friends is a point of opposition over here, a Judas betrayer over here, and then, on the very last night, He’s got twelve guys arguing with one another about who is the greatest!
If you’ve ever been driving the car and have your kids in the back seat, arguing, arguing, arguing, it makes you nuts! But after three years of investing in their life, and they’re arguing about – oh, brother, right?
So, if it happened to Jesus, it’s going to happen to you. And the apostles, as they started, you can just jot in your notes, “Acts 6; Acts 15.” The Church multiplies. Tens of thousands of people come to Christ. And pretty soon, they’re arguing some cultural issues: “Your group is getting more than my group,” the Hellenistic or the Greek Jews versus the Jewish Jew’s widows. And then, Paul and Barnabas – great friends – they have a little tiff. Part of it is philosophical, and maybe part of it is personality. But great friends are now rubbing each other the wrong way.
And here’s what you’ve got to understand: When you do what God wants you to do, and you take a step of faith, you may find that your spouse isn’t on board, that your parents think you’re crazy, that some of your closest friends will just come to you privately and say, “What are you doing? What were you thinking? That’s not a good, secure plan.”
I know when Theresa and I told her parents that we believed God had called us into ministry – I was a teacher and a basketball coach, and Theresa’s dad thought that’s what he was getting. And so, we’re going to put all the kids and everything we own in a Ryder truck, and we’re going to drive to Dallas, and go to seminary, and we’re going to be missionaries. Or so we thought.
And here’s the response, the supportive, loving response: “If you leave, don’t expect to ever see us again, and we will never, ever, ever visit you.” Other than that, they were very positive.
When God led me, over a two-and-a-half-year journey, and all that we’d been through together, to marry Theresa, my spiritual leader, and, by the way, this has been reconciled since. But the man that I looked up to, he discipled me for seven years. He took me out privately. We met at a very exclusive restaurant, usually six a.m., McDonalds. And he said, “Chip, I’ve been thinking and praying about this. I’ve spent a lot of time with you. I just want you to know, if you marry Theresa, God will never use your life.” I said, “Do you have any other encouraging words, maybe another Egg McMuffin or something?”
And since that didn’t work, he had his wife meet with my wife. And when they met – and he feels very bad about this now, but from his perspective, and from where he came from. Then his wife met with Theresa and said, “If you really love Chip, you wouldn’t marry him, because God has His hand on his life, and if you marry him, He’ll never use him.” That took my world spinning upside down. It was like, God, what – who do I listen to? What, what, what, who, who, who?
You need to understand, that’s par for the course. Opposition comes from without, opposition comes from within. I actually put a definition: Strife. “Angry or bitter disagreement over fundamental issues; vigorous or bitter conflict, discord, quarrels, struggle, competition, or rivalry.”
When you decide to say, “I’m going to be an R12 Christian, and I’m going to live before God. I’m going to get in community. I’m going to get on mission. I’m going to discover who God made me to be, and I’m going to make a difference for the eternal God of the universe,” I will tell you, external conflict is coming, and internal opposition will occur. And in chapter 5, Nehemiah is going to teach you, and teach me, how to face it.
Lessons from Nehemiah 5: Internal strife occurs – here’s the overarching thought – when the “me” principle overrides the “us” principle. The “me” principle is, “me,” “mine,” “What about me?” “My future,” “my money,” “my ego,” “my position,” “What’s in it for me?” Even though we’re Christians, even though the Spirit of God lives inside of us, under pressure, we can think more about us than about what God is doing in all of us.
Philippians 2, verses 3 and 4 – you might jot it in the corner of your notes. It says, “Let nothing be done out of selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind consider others more important than yourselves.” At the heart of internal conflict is greed, and selfishness, and pride.
Now, I want you to open your Bibles, if you will, Nehemiah chapter 5. If you’re like me, and didn’t grow up with the Bible, open to the middle and find Psalms, and go left a couple books, and you’ll get there.
Nehemiah chapter 5 opens up – now, remember where we’re at. He’s left Persia. He’s the right-hand man of the king. He’s gathered a group of people. The wall has started to be rebuilt; the wall is half finished. The enemies have threatened their lives. They have prayed; they have prepared. They’re up at dawn, until dusk. They have their swords on their side. Half the people are guarding; the other half of the people are working. They’re keeping their clothes on at night, and they’re doing this work. And God is fulfilling His promise to Nehemiah, and He is realigning His historic purposes.
And so, you think things ought to be really going well. “Now the men and their wives raised a great outcry against the Jewish brothers. Some were saying, ‘We and our sons and daughters are numerous; in order for us to eat and stay alive, we must get grain.’ Others were saying, ‘We’re mortgaging our fields, our vineyards, and our homes to get grain during the famine.’”
And then, the third group: “Still others were saying, ‘We have had to borrow money to pay the king’s tax on our fields and our vineyards. Although we are of the same flesh and blood as our countrymen and though our sons are as good as theirs, yet we have to subject our sons and our daughters to slavery. Some of our daughters have already been enslaved, but we are powerless, because our fields and our vineyards belong to others.’”
Now, you need to get a little picture of what’s going on here. Number one, you have a food shortage. Apparently there was a famine during this time, and it probably started well before the rebuilding of the wall. And so, you get a food shortage, and some people that don’t own any land are basically saying, “We don’t – we’re trying to build this wall. We’re trying to do God’s will. We got a bigger problem: We’ve got to eat.”
Some people who do own land, their problem is, their debt ceiling eclipsed. Unlike the government, where they can have meetings, and figure out where you want to put how many trillion dollars, once your collateral for your home, once your collateral for your vineyards…and now, they’ve actually sold their children, sons and daughters, as slaves. They’re basically saying, “We’re done. We’ve got nothing else to mortgage.”
And then, the third group is, they’ve got high taxes. The Persian king, on all the places that were subject to him, would exercise a tax. And so, these people are saying, “You know something? Hey, Nehemiah, I really appreciate this plan. I know God’s in it, and we’re all excited, and we’re half done. Um, but, you know, we’re rebuilding this wall to fulfill God’s plan, and, um, my home is gone, my vineyard is gone, and my fellow Jewish brothers – you know, these guys that we’re working hand in hand, arm in arm” – because in chapter 3, remember? They all worked by affinity groups. “The wealthy people have taken this opportunity to take everything I have, and everything I own. So, what’s the use of building this wall?”
In fact, the opportunistic situation you have is – what’s going on, literally, is lone sharking. Now, I’m – literally. I looked it up on Google, just to make sure it wasn’t as crazy as I thought it was.
This used to happen. The mafia used to be really big in this, actually, I learned. And I logged in Google, “loan sharking,” and I found out where I can get a super-high interest for a week, and if I don’t pay in a week, the interest goes up, and I think someone will break my legs or something, even today. I’m not quite sure how it works. But it’s crazy.
And so, what happened was, there were some Jewish brothers that had resources and finances, and so people needed grain, so they kept loaning them money. “Well, you can’t pay? Well, if you can’t pay, I’ll take your house. If you can’t pay, I’ll take your vineyard. If you can’t pay, I’ll take your son. If you can’t pay…”
And when it says, “The daughters are enslaved,” it’s not just like they were a household slave. The word here has the idea that some of them became someone’s second wife. And these guys are saying, “Where’s the love in the room?”
And so, the conflict – now, put yourself in Nehemiah’s situation. He’s looking at this, and now here’s what’s happened: The result is disunity. The result is, these people that are supposed to be hand in hand, working together, building the wall, doing God’s will – all of a sudden there’s this great outcry; there’s this disunity. There are people that don’t like each other, and they’re all Jews, and they’re all on the same team. And so, you’ve got a very difficult situation.
And so, from Nehemiah’s perspective, the agenda is faltering. He’s left his comfortable position. He’s making a sacrifice, but these people were at each other’s throats. So, here’s the issue: What do you do when you face that kind of internal opposition? What do you do? How do you respond? Let’s pick up the story in verse 6. Verse 6 goes on to say, “When I heard their outcry and these charges, I was very angry.” By the way, there’s a time to be angry. He’s ticked off! Man, this is so unfair; this is so wrong. He goes on to say, “I pondered them in my mind and then accused the nobles and the officials.”
The word pondered – literally, he says, “I consulted with myself.” He’s really, really mad, but instead of making a quick, rash decision, or saying something, he’s very angry; he’s white-hot angry. And then, he’s having this private conversation: Self, what should I do about this? What’s the wise step? How do I address this? I can’t just run on emotion.
And then, he confronts, or accuses, the nobles and the officials, “And I told them, ‘You are exacting usury from your countrymen!’ So I called a large assembly to deal with them and I said: ‘As far as possible, we have brought back our Jewish brothers who were sold to the Gentiles. Now you are selling brothers, only for them to be sold back to us!’ They kept quiet, because they could find nothing to say.”
He basically says, “You understand, we have been in exile. The Gentiles – we have been slaves. I personally have taken some money, and others have taken some money, and we have bought our Jewish brothers back from the Gentiles. Now we’re in Jerusalem, we’re aligned to do God’s will, and now they’re being sold into slavery to one another? To you guys?”
This is literally like your hand is in the cookie jar, and someone is going, “Do you see that, or not?” And do you notice their response? Absolutely quiet. They just know, “Yeah, you’re right.” Now, he goes on: “So I continued, ‘What you’re doing is not right. Shouldn’t you walk in the fear of God to avoid the reproach of our Gentile enemies? I, my brothers, and my men are also lending the people money and grain.’”
So he says, “I’m giving people food, I’m lending them money, but I’m not charging them interest. I’m not taking their homes, and their vineyards.” “But let the exacting of this usury stop! Give back to them immediately their fields, their vineyards, their olive groves, and their houses, and also the interest that you are charging them – the hundredth part of the money, the grain, the new wine, and the oil.” And then, notice their response, “‘We will give it back,’ they said. ‘And we will not demand anything more from them. We will do what you say.’”
Notice, in your notes, his emotional response is anger under control. Okay? Anger under control. Some of you, right now, are thinking about some things, and you’re thinking, I felt really bad about being angry. I want you to know, you ought to feel really good about being angry about some things that are wrong, and unjust, around people, and friends who ought to be supporting some things that they’re not. But then, you have to get it under control. Notice the verse underneath: Ephesians 4:26. I gave this New Testament passage. It says, “Be angry” – it’s a command – “yet do not sin.”
Anger motivates you to act. But notice the second thing he does: It’s thoughtful confrontation. He doesn’t go off. He doesn’t just start screaming. He consults with himself, he evaluates the situation, and there’s thoughtful confrontation. Now, if you’re thinking to yourself, Now, I’ve got a pretty significant issue. And here’s what it is, and it’s in my family, and it’s really exactly what you talked about. But I don’t know how to address it. I’m not sure, exactly, what I should do.
And let me give you the basics here. You can study it for yourself, but Matthew chapter 18, verses 15 to 17 – just watch the progression. Because what we tend to do, when something like this happens, is, we go to someone else, and start talking about it, instead of, Here’s the biblical process for thoughtful confrontation.
“If your brother or sister sins” – and they can be inside your home; they can be in your small group; they can be in the church, but, “If a brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.
“But if they will not listen” – step two – “take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church” – the idea, to the church leadership – “and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” Doesn’t mean you don’t love them, but you’re not going to afford the same fellowship and relationship that you would with a brother or sister in Christ.
The third thing that happens is public accountability. You notice that they respond, and then, he doesn’t just say, “Okay, I’ve addressed the issue. I was really mad; I’ve thought about what to do,” but then, he says, “There’s got to be a follow through; there’s got to be a plan, so that what we’re talking about now” – because what happens in every situation? It just slides back to the way it used to be.
So, follow along, if you will, and notice what he does after they say, “Okay, we will do exactly what you say.” Verse 12, second half, “Then I summoned the priests and I made the nobles and the officials take an oath to do what they promised.” In other words, he went public. He calls an assembly. He says, “We’re going to look at this. There’s going to be public accountability.” And then, he calls the priests, and he says, “Priests, you represent God; nobles, you’ve been loan sharking, right? You took these people’s land?” “Yeah.” “You took their kids?” “Yeah.” “You did this; you did – okay, right? Ready? You said that you would stop it. Take an oath right now, before God, in the presence of these priests.”
Now, what’s this got to do with us? 1 Timothy chapter 5, verse 19, says, “Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. But those elders who are sinning you are to reprove before everyone, so that others may take warning.”
All I want you to see is, even in the New Testament, when there are issues where it’s…these aren’t gray areas. This isn’t my opinion versus your opinion. This is when, in the Church, people violate the clear truth of God’s Word.
And when they violate it, this is someone with the courage, who does it lovingly, kindly, under control, but says, “That behavior, or that attitude, is destroying the unity, and when the unity is destroyed, and we’re not on the same page, the work of God gets thwarted.”
Can you do a little, quick Bible study with me? Are you ready? Open up to Exodus chapter 22, okay? Go backwards. Genesis, Exodus, second book of the Bible. Exodus chapter 22. And what I want you to get is that this guy is not just going off. Like, “You know what? I kind of like you didn’t do that.” What he’s realizing is: these Jewish nobles, leaders, and wealthy people are in such violation of the truth of God’s Word.
Exodus chapter 22, skim down to verse 25, and it talks about how Jewish brothers, in God’s economy, are supposed to handle lending money. “If you lend money to My people, to the poor among you, you are not to act as a creditor to him; you’re not to charge him interest.” That’s pretty clear, isn’t it?
“If you ever take your neighbor’s cloak as a pledge, you are to return it to him before the sun sets, for that is his only covering, his cloak, for his body. What else shall he sleep in? And it shall come about that when he cries out to Me, I will hear him, for I am gracious.”
You see what He’s saying? This is just, often, for collateral. During the day, if a person is really poor, and you might lend him some money… What he’s saying is, if you take his outer garment that he used to wear during the day, and cover him – most people, they had enough food just for today. And this was their covering.
He says, “You give that back to him. Don’t put him in that situation, let alone take his home, his vineyard, his…” Now, skip over one more, if you will. Skip over to Leviticus chapter 25, okay? Next book. Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus. Again, this is a book about how Jews are to treat one another, under God’s economy. Skip down to verse 36, and now we’re going to talk about interest, and attitude, and the poor. And this is what God says. This is how they’re supposed to live. It says, “Do not take interest from him, but revere God, for your countrymen to live with you. You shall not give him your silver at interest, nor your food for grain. I am the Lord God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt to give you the land of Canaan and to be your God. And if a countryman of yours becomes so poor with regard to you that he sells himself to you, you should not subject him as a slave service. He shall be with you as a hired man, as if he were a sojourner with you until the Year of Jubilee” – every fifty years, where everyone goes back free.
Now, are you catching the spirit? One more, one more. Deuteronomy chapter 24 – we’re making our way back to Nehemiah. What I want you to get is, there are certain things that are absolutely clear. You can’t have unity without truth, and you can’t have truth unless it’s enforced lovingly, kindly, and clearly, with the courage, and everyone has influence. This is what Nehemiah does.
Pick it up in verse 10: “When you make your neighbor a loan of any sort, you shall not enter his house to take his pledge. You shall remain outside, and the man to whom you make the loan shall bring out the pledge to you. And if he is a poor man, you shall not sleep with his pledge. When the sun goes down, you should surely return the pledge to him, that he may sleep in his own cloak and bless you” – and notice this shift – “it will be righteousness for you before the Lord your God. You shall not oppress a hired servant who is poor and needy, when he is one of your countrymen or one of your aliens who is in the land of your towns.”
Now, would you say that’s a pretty clear rendition of what they’re supposed to do, and they’re doing just the opposite? Let me apply this, first, in a really big picture of how important this is, and what happens when we don’t do this. And we’re going to do a historical one, then a personal one.
Historically: Move the clock back about seventy, eighty years. It was about a twenty, twenty-five year swing, but it started in the twenties, thirties, went into the forties.
And there was a big, big debate, and the big, big debate – existentialism was coming on the scene, but it wasn’t public yet. Nietzsche was writing some things. Jean-Paul Sartre came along later. Dewey talked about pragmatism, and under his pragmatism he began to talk about, if it works, don’t worry about whether things are true. Later, situational ethics would grow out of this.
But at higher German criticism, what occurred in the major denominations – the ones that Wesley started, and Zwingli started, and Calvin started. And all the major denominations, seventy or eighty years ago, if you would walk to any single one of those and say, “This is God’s Word,” everyone agreed. “You need to have a personal relationship with Christ” – everyone agreed. “Mary was a virgin” – everyone agreed. “Heaven is real; hell is real; God loves people; Jesus was fully God, fully man” – everyone agreed.
And then, through the German higher criticisms who began to teach our seminary students, and then our seminary students started going out, about five percent of those major denominations began to teach that: “The Bible, I don’t know if that’s really true or not. The first twelve chapters of Genesis are probably myth. Jesus was a good Teacher, but I don’t know…” And pretty soon, a very elaborate scheme to undermine what God said.
And in the name of love, in the name of peace at any price, in the name of, “Who am I to judge anyone?” about five percent turned, over a period of the next several decades – many of those major denominations that loved God, loved His Word, into places where you can’t even recognize what the Bible teaches. In fact, moral issues that are black and white to non-Christians, they are now adopting, and saying it’s fine.
And here’s the reason: There wasn’t a Nehemiah. Or if there was, it was called the Fundamentalist Controversy, and all the fundamentalists were – that has become a negative word in most connotations – is they were saying, “No, we have to hold in the Methodist Church, or the Presbyterian Church, or the Episcopal Church, or the Congregational Church – we need to hold to the fundamentals of the faith.”
But often, the way they said it, and how they said it, was so antagonistic, that it alienated people. And so it’s not just confronting. There needs to be thoughtful consideration. It’s not just that you’re angry about things that are being done, but you need to be angry without sin. There needs to be gentleness, and strength, and winsomeness. And all I can tell you right now is that the decline of the major denominations that held to God’s Word sixty to eighty years ago is just astronomical. Closing their doors, all around the country, and all around the world, because they don’t have a message.
As one man said, “If you’re a liberal pastor, you don’t believe in the Bible. You don’t believe in a literal heaven. You don’t believe Jesus is God. You don’t believe there is really any hope. When you sit next to someone who is dying of cancer… “Be nice. It’s going to be a great world. Let’s just be kind.” I will tell you, there is no message for people dying. There is no message for how to live.
Second area that plays out is more local. And this is one that – if you want to email me you can, prefer you don’t. But I have just – I’ve been doing this about thirty years.
And this is with parents, Christian leaders, missionaries, smart people, high-caliber business people.
And I watch them, there’s a little journey when their kids get in pre-teens and teenage years, and they start this attraction, and they’ll get connected to an unbeliever. And they’ll begin to either date, and enter into a pretty deep, emotional relationship with someone who is not a follower of Christ.
And I’ve had these conversations in Hong Kong, Korea, South America, all over, with good friends. And they’ll say something like, “Well, you know what? I know they’re not a Christian, and I know that my daughter’s heart is moving this way and that way. It’s probably just a phase they’re going through, but I’m really afraid to set clear boundaries, because if I set really clear boundaries, I’m so afraid they’ll rebel.”
And I would say, “You don’t understand, they are rebelling. This is very clear. You want to lose your daughter or your son’s heart for God, allow them to get emotionally connected, and date, and begin to move in a direction – because infatuation is the strongest struggle on the face of the earth, stronger than cocaine.”
And when you’re infatuated, and feel like you’re in love, I got news for you: you can make the Bible, or anybody, or anything say whatever you want. And I’ve just watched young person after young person after young person... And then, I can’t tell you how many of my friends, ten years later, now their kids are twenty-four, twenty-eight, thirty-one.
And it started when they were fifteen. And someone needed to say, “In our home, you can’t be unequally yoked. I’m really sorry, this is the way it goes. And you can hate me for three to five years – I hope it’s not that long; I hope it’s only eighteen months.” Usually, infatuation wears off about then. “But this is the way it’s going to be in our home.”
Now, I went through that with three of my four kids. One was like, “Man, I’m not messing with dad; it’s just too much pain. I’ll find a different girlfriend.” All right? I had one who sneaked around, and we had this, and was there conflict? Was it difficult? Was it painful? Yes. Did he slam the door and, “I hate you, Dad, and who are you…?” Yes!
It’s really interesting now, with his three kids, and the way he thanks me that, “You know what? Boy, my, if I would have gone down that path…”
With one of my kids it was an issue that wasn’t even an unbeliever. But it was so obvious that, very good guy, very different, not a fit. And I remember the day that my daughter said to me, “Dad, what do you really think?” And we had spent considerable time.
And I remember having this knot in my stomach of saying, Am I going to be truthful? Because if I am, there is going to be a wedge in our relationship.” And, great guy. Nice guy. But for some of you, you’re actually the parent. You’ve actually lived longer. You’ve actually watched this child grow up, and you’re thinking, They’re like this, and this person is like this. This is not going to work.
And it wasn’t a forbidding. “So, what do you really think?” And I still remember saying, “Honey, I don’t think this is going to be good.” “Why? Why? Why? Why?” And she was just head over heels. And we had about a, I don’t know, thirteen, fourteen-month window, where our hearts had been so connected all the years, and it was just…it was as painful as anything I’ve ever been through with any of my kids.
Here’s what you need to understand, though. There is a reason that about eighty-five percent of all of those young people who grow up in Bible-teaching churches like this, four years after – they get either out of high school, or a couple of years out of college – about eighty-five percent of them don’t walk with God anymore.
Worship is a heart issue! God wants your kids’ hearts! Satan wants to take their hearts – and it can be money, it can be another person, but his goal is to capture your son or daughter’s heart, and make them believe that success, and significance, and happiness, and fulfillment is going to come through some other person, some other way.
And when that happens, I don’t mean they may never come back, but I will tell you what, some Nehemiah mom, or some Nehemiah dad needed to confront it, and open up to 2 Corinthians chapter 6, and say, “This is what it says. Now, help me understand how we apply this as a family.”
Now, you say, “Well, I don’t think my son or daughter will really listen to me. And I’m not sure I’m ready to do something like this in a small group.” Well, let’s talk about why Nehemiah was so successful.
Because here’s where the application comes, because some people have betrayed you, right? Some people in your small group have gossiped about you. Some of you had terrible relationship in churches that – someone – are you ready? A pastor actually lied to you.
I’ve had Christian leaders lie to me. I’ve had Christian leaders look me in the eye, and give me their word, and I give them my word, that had to do with six-figures and, later, seven-figure implications, and come back and look me in the eye and say, “Well, we didn’t write it down, so I don’t have to keep my word.”
So, here’s the – you know why I said that? Because sometimes you’re the person who is offended, and hurt, and betrayed, and there’s internal conflict, and – guess what – sometimes, if you’re really honest, you’re the person who is inflicting it. You’re the person talking about someone else. You’re the person gossiping. You’re the person who is bitter. You’re the person who is causing it.
See, we’re in God’s family and no one has arrived. So, let’s ask ourselves – see, there can’t be unity. Where there is unity there is power. But unity requires truth and purity. There is a lot of pseudo-unity, “Hey, man, how you doing? How you doing? Great.”
In the South, there was a lady that told me how this works. She says, in the South what you say, “Love your hair; hate your guts.” I said, “What’s that mean?” “It means that when we’re with people, we always say, ‘Love your hair.’ In other words, everything is fine. And then, privately, to someone else, we say, ‘Hate your guts.’”
And you know what? I’m fearful that a lot of the lack of power in the Church of Jesus Christ is, a lot of us are living little lives where, when there’s an issue, “Love your hair,” and then you get in the car and you say, “Boy, I don’t think that marriage is going to go anywhere,” or, “Boy, they better deal with that with their daughter,” or, “You know what? I know that – there’s nothing wrong with maybe a glass of wine here and there, but that dude is an alcoholic.”
Would you tell him? “Who am I to judge?” A brother, or sister, with God’s truth, to judge, to bring to light, to love, to restore. That’s who you are, called to, commanded to.
Well, let’s find out, what was it that gave Nehemiah – what gave him this power for people to respond in such a way? Because resolving conflict takes more than know-how, and skill.
Listen to verses 14 to 19, and then I’ll just summarize what he does. “Moreover, from the twentieth year of King Artaxerxes, when I was appointed to be their governor in the land of Judah, until the thirty-second year” – twelve years – “neither I nor my brothers ate the food allotted for the governor.” So, he had an expense account. He was the governor for twelve years, and he said, “I actually didn’t use my own expense account that I could have charged.”
“But the earlier governors – those preceding me – placed a heavy burden on the people and they took forty shekels of silver from them in addition to the food and the wine. And their assistants also lorded it over the people. But out of reverence for God I did not act like that. Instead, I devoted myself to the work on the wall.” In other words, he actually did it. He rolled up his sleeves. He modeled it.
“All of my men were assembled there for the work and we didn’t acquire any land.” “I didn’t use my position to get financial gain.” “Furthermore, a hundred and fifty Jews and officials ate at my table, as well as all those who came from the surrounding nations. Each day one ox, six choice sheep, and some poultry were prepared for me, and every ten days an abundant supply of wine of all kinds. In spite of all this, I never demanded the food allotted to the governor, because the demands were heavy on these people.”
Because his role – he’s a dignitary. He’s a diplomat. He’s the governor. He had people come every day – about a hundred and fifty – for lunch, or dinner, or something. And he said, “I can tax the people. That’s my right. But out of my own pocket I did it, because they can’t handle it.”
And then, notice where his focus is. He says – here’s a prayer – “Remember me with favor, O my God, for all I have done for these people.” That’s why he had courage.
Now, in your notes – here’s what I want you to get. Why was he so effective? Just jot down, “His example.” He walked his talk. Twelve years, doesn’t demand his rights. When you got up in the morning, there’s Nehemiah; he’s still got his clothes on. When you worked on a wall, there he is; he’s working on the wall. When you needed money, he lent you money, but he didn’t charge you interest.
See, there’s moral authority when you live out – by the way, some of you are thinking, I need to talk to one of my kids. Some of you, before you talk to your kids, you better talk to God. Because when you say to them, “Honey, this is what you need to do,” you’re going to hear – or at least see in their eyes – “Well, Mom” – or Dad – “how come you’re not doing this?” So, for some of us the first application is not what we say. It’s, we need to walk our own talk.
The second thing that gave him moral authority was his courage.
He cared enough to confront. He got mad! But he got mad under control. He didn’t compromise. That’s what’s killing us. It’s killing families. It kills denominations. It kills small groups. It kills people in the workplace. You’re a follower of Christ; don’t compromise.
Third, his love. The people mattered to him. Well, how much? Well, if I would look at the P&L statement for Nehemiah, “Nehemiah, where is your money going?” Because that always tells you where your heart is. Well, out of his own pocket, for twelve years, here’s the money. “I paid for this. I handled that. I made some loans.”
Where your time goes, and where your money goes, and where your energy goes – you can think whatever you want about what matters. That’s what matters.
Nehemiah loved people. And he loved them not to the point where he did a little something that made him appear that he was loving. He did things that cost.
Finally, his integrity. He feared God. Life verse for me on this one is Proverbs 29:25, “The fear of man is a snare.” If it’s any help for you, when I come to a passage like this, these are not my favorite passages. I like passages like, “God loves everyone,” “Everyone, today we’re going to get a popsicle together.”
And here’s the deal: We either skim over one of these, or we talk about it like this, “This is what Nehemiah did, and that’s important back then,” but we never get down to what it means today.
God wants you to change. He wants me to change. And He’s given you His Word, and His Spirit, and He wants you to be a Nehemiah in your world. That’s how your home is going to change. That’s how your small group is going to change.
People in all those companies, living the life, and appropriately, wisely, at the right time, with no sense of self-righteousness, speaking the truth in love. And saying it in such a way where the people at work go, “It’s kind of hard to argue with a guy who comes in early, treats people well. He’s generous. Tell you what, she’s faithful. I know he’s one of those Christian-type people, but if we had a hundred of those working here, we’d be one hundred x on our profit.” And you have moral authority.
And we’re all afraid. We’re all people pleasers, to some level. But at the end of the day, Nehemiah said, “I’d rather be afraid of God, and not doing what He wants me to do, than afraid of what people think.”
And so, in summary, the leverage of your life is what gives weight to your words. It’s your life. And by the way, perfection? Absolutely not. But your life, your authenticity – when your kids hear you say, “I blew it. This came out of my mouth. I had an outburst in anger.” “When you walked in, you know what? I was watching something that I wouldn’t let you watch, and I shouldn’t be watching. I’m sorry. I told God I’m sorry.” You know what that does? That gives you credibility. You live it out.And something happens in the heart, in the soul of your children, and your friends, and the people in your small group, as you blaze a trail, and you’re a Nehemiah. We spur one another on to love, and to good works, and other people realize, I want to be like you. I want to walk with God like you. It’s contagious. That’s how great things get done.
This is the last prayer, on earth, of Jesus. And He says, “Father, this is My prayer, that these followers of Mine could be one, even as We are one. I want people to hear, not just these present disciples or followers, but the disciples that will hear and believe from them,” which is all of us, in the last two thousand years. “I long for them to have a unity, and a connectedness, and an authenticity with one another that, when they see how they treat one another, and how truthful they are, and how pure they are, and how authentic they are, they will then know that the Father has sent Me.”
And so, Father, I know it requires courage. I know that as Your Spirit speaks there are people going, Oh my lands, what does this mean? What do I need to do? And so, before we move on, can I just ask you to stop? Stop in your tracks and just ask the Spirit of God to whisper clearly, What’s my next step? Tell Him you want to obey. Accept His forgiveness. Ask for courage.