How to Build Friendships that Last a Lifetime, Part 2

Philippians 2 beginning at verse 5, the apostle Paul writes, inspired by the Holy Spirit, “Your attitude, believers, should be the same as that of Christ Jesus,” well, what attitude are you talking about? He describes it, verse 6, “…who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself,” downwardly mobile, “and He became obedient to death, even death on a cross.”

See, Jesus is going to teach, when Jesus left, He had lifetime friendships for now and for eternity. And He’s going to teach something: Honoring one another above ourselves is the acid test of how much we love people.

So He says, “You want to see, in your culture, in your time in human flesh, what it looks like to honor you,” and He does the lowest servant’s job to the people who all knew they should be doing it for Him. But long before that, the apostle Paul says, “Let me give you a better picture. Let me give you a bigger picture.”

He said, “For eternity past, in heaven, the Triune God, Father, Son, Holy Spirit, perfect relationship, perfect equality, unapproachable light streaming from them before the throne of God, and there is myriads and myriads and myriads and myriads and myriads of angels of all kinds and they are singing, “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty. Heaven and earth are full of Your glory.”

And Isaiah says that some of the seraphim cover their eyes with two wings because He is so holy, and with two wings they cover their feet. And with the other two they flap. And this honor, majesty, praise to – who? God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.

In the midst of all that honor, the first step toward your salvation was humility like we never have known. That One who is the object of all worship was born in the stall of a teenage girl to become fully God, fully man, to make the incarnate Christ because when God looked down the portals of time, He saw you and you and you and you and you and you and me and He said, “I love you.”

And the acid test of my love is to honor you above myself. He experienced the ridicule of being a poor child, the ridicule of being a bastard child because they understood that she was pregnant before the marriage, the ridicule of coming from a place called Nazareth where people said, “Nothing good comes out of Nazareth!” The ridicule of being spit upon, beaten, and nailed naked to a cross.

Why? Because He loves you, that’s why. Because He loves you. Do you begin to understand why when you honor others like that, that extreme, that kind of love, that kind of sacrifice, people are attracted to you, people want to be around you?

The fourth observation is that position and power are stewardships for service. We think position and power are rewards you get. We think they are the honor. In fact, it’s interesting, you study this word in the early Greek language, the word “honor” is tied with material possessions so closely; you can’t distinguish them.

And so, to be honored, you were honored because you had so much possession or so much position or so much wealth. Now, the word began to evolve in its usage and then later on, how many gifts or how many possessions you gave were how much you honored people.

By the time of Plato, it began to emerge that there were moral conduct and virtues, character that you should be honored for and by the time the word is used in the New Testament, we have thoughts of honoring your parents as in the Old Testament, and honoring the poor, and honoring your wife, and honoring the elderly, and esteeming others because of their position that God has given them, and their value.

What we need to understand is that Jesus is teaching the key to lifelong friendships for His followers is that God gave you position and God gave you power for serving others. And you say, “Well, I don’t have much position. I mean, I don’t have any power.” Oh yes you do! You don’t have to run a Fortune 500 company to have position and power.

I would guarantee that whether it’s a sphere this size or this size, there is a group of people who you highly influence. There’s a group of people that think highly of you. There’s a group of people that what you say, what you do, how you live – it influences all their thinking. You know what that’s called? Position and power.

Now, for some it’s in business, for some it’s at home, for some it’s your kids, for some it’s your network here, for some it’s your neighbors, for some it’s your extended family.

But whatever level of position and power that comes with your savvy, your background, your experience, your looks, your money, your whatever you have, God has given that to you for one reason: To leverage it to serve other people.

A fellow who visits our church, doesn’t live in this area, we have gotten to know each other, and he is connected with a group of people called The Pinnacle Forum in Arizona. And their vision statement is to reach the top one percent of all executives in the state of Arizona. High influence and are CEOs of major companies, and they are believers. And they want God to leverage their position and power to make a big difference. And this guy said, “They are going to be at a retreat at Pebble Beach.” And I thought, “Boy, now, that’s a good place to have a retreat if you’re going to have one.” You know?

And then they said, “They are looking for someone to give them a little challenge, you know, someone to raise the bar a little bit that God would really use them. And they’re going to do some strategic planning. Would you like to go speak to them?”

And I thought, “Well, I’ve been praying about stuff like that. ‘God, whatever.’” So, I said, “Yeah, I’ll give that a whirl.”

So, I got with the staff and I said, “We really need to pray. This is a great opportunity, number one, and number two, I’m afraid. So, here’s what we need to pray: One, pray that I won’t be intimidated because these are high-powered people. Pray, number two, that I won’t try to impress them because I am insecure. Pray, number three, that I’ll really be bold and tell them what God wants me to say and not worry about what they think.

And pray, number four, that I will in no way toot our horn, or my horn, and try and use this in any way other than to serve them.” And I walked out of there and just the Spirit of God confirmed in my heart, “Boy, God answered my prayer.”

And I walked into this little room and they had a long table and a fireplace and they were served privately and I got a good meal out of the deal, it was pretty cool, really.

And on my right was the CEO of a DOW Corporation and then on the left was the guy who owns a portion of the Green Bay Packers, and next to him was a guy who owns a major portion of the, the Phoenix Suns. And for reasons I don’t know, I was just relaxed. And then I got the chance to talk. And I walked through Nehemiah chapter 1 and Nehemiah chapter 2 and if you know that story, it’s about a man who got great position and great power right next to the king, and yet he was a Jew in the Persian Empire.

And all of God’s people, the walls were burnt and the gates were broken down; God had a plan. And the whole nation was going down the tubes. And God took Nehemiah and He used his position and power to serve them, risk his life, he went before the king, the entire history, the entire history of God’s people changed because of one man who saw his position and power not as, “How do I get comfortable and I deserve this,” but saw it as a stewardship.

And so I just, by the grace of God, said to those guys, “You know something? You got a lot of wherewithal, and you got a lot of money, you got a lot of savvy, and God didn’t give it to you so you could be comfortable. He gave it to you to make a difference in this world. Don’t do something small for God.

“There’s enough grey matter in this room and probably enough dollars that if you wanted to do something magnificent for God, you could. And I want to tell you that I believe you are the Nehemiahs of your generation and God will hold you accountable for how you steward the position, the power, and the wealth.”

And when we say that, all of us think, “Yeah, man, I wish those rich people would really get with it, huh?” Huh? And down deep below that we say, “You know, and if God ever gave me a million dollars, boy, would I use it for the Lord.” If you’re not using what you have for the Lord, you wouldn’t use a million dollars for the Lord either.

God is never looking for what you would do someday with more time, what you would do someday with more money, or what you would do someday with more spiritual gift. He has this law of progression of faithfulness.

And the question He is asking you and me is at whatever level of position and whatever level of power you have in your network, do something great for God.

Among Christians today, the whole world can be going to hell in a hand basket but as long as my world is okay, we can just watch it happen, can’t we?

As I watch the news, as you have, it looks to me like some worlds are going to collide pretty soon if we’re not careful. So, we might as well go ahead and get out of our little nest egg now and make a difference.

Number five observation is simply real happiness comes when we make others shine, not hog the limelight. Did you notice how Jesus did that? He served others. That’s how you honor them.

What are we saying here? We’re saying that if you want lasting relationships, authentic relationships, in your family, in the church, if you want to get near the end of your life and have people that are connected and who love you and you have impacted, the acid test will be honoring others above yourself.

In summary, honoring others is enjoying and celebrating the worth, success, and accomplishments of others more than my own. That’s wild, isn’t it? You can’t do that on your own, I can’t do that on my own.

That’s grace. Boy, but you get into it, you’ll flourish and the people around you will flourish more.

Let me ask you a couple questions. Let’s put this into practice. How are you doing in this whole issue of honoring? What’s it look like?

In the last week, say, who have you honored above yourself? Let me ask you, this will let you know how your honoring is of other people.

Question number one: Do you compliment others sincerely? Do you find yourself affirming people on a regular basis? Or do you find that you’re pretty critical?

Second question: Do you enjoy the success of others? I mean, in your heart of hearts, I mean, when, bang! They do something great. Is there something that wells up inside that says, “Wow! God, that is so great!” Or do you smile on the outside and say, “Oh, boy, we’re so happy for you!” And go, “Boy, how come that’s not happening to me?”

Third, can you let others be the center of attention? Demonstrated by consistently not interrupting them when they are talking. “He who has ears to hear, let them hear, Chip.”

Four, can you allow others to get credit even when you had a major role? Or do you slip in, “Oh, man, that was great, it was so neat what happened. And, oh, it’s fantastic. Oh, they really used my idea well. Yeah, they pulled it off! Of course, they couldn’t without me. It was my idea. Did you hear the part about it was my idea? I just so want to make sure you got that part.” It’s funny how we are, isn’t it?

Fifth, do you feel bad, slighted, hurt, or angry when your work or service goes unnoticed? See, these questions cut through the façade of simply doing good as a Christian, of being involved as a Christian, or acting Christianly. And they cut through to the heart. They cut to your motives and my motives.

To genuinely honor other people, the way Jesus did His disciples, is the acid test of your love for them.

Now, if you need a little motivation, I’m not going to develop it, but I have given you a little Bible study to go. What happens when you honor others? Let me just summarize that there’s a paradox you need to understand. Because there’s part of you that I hope you’re at this point thinking, “I want that. I want that. I want to be that kind of person.”

But about three weeks from now or two hours from now, it’s like, it’s hard to do this.

The great paradox of Philippians 2:9 through 11, I won’t read it but let me tell you what God did. We already read about how He humbled Himself. It says, “Therefore God highly exalted Him and gave Him a name above every name, that at the name of Jesus every tongue will confess and every knee will bow in heaven and earth and under the earth.”

God will honor those who honor others. In fact, in Matthew 23, I’ll let you study that one on your own, He talks about how religious leaders of that day, in verses 5 through 7, sought for honor.

And then in verses 8 through 11 he says, “Don’t you do that, followers.” And then verse 12, it’s classic. He says, “The greatest among you will be the servant.”

Here’s this awesome promise of reward, “And those of us who humble themselves will be,” what? “exalted.” You will be exalted. I sat in the room with a man, seventy-one years old, who is dying. He is exalted because he has honored God. And the things that money can’t buy, he is wealthy beyond measure in. And it didn’t happen yesterday. It’s been a lifetime.

I would encourage you to follow along as I read a classic prayer by Saint Francis. And as I read it, I encourage you to make it your own.

“Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.”

Now get the divine paradigm, here it is, “For it is in giving that we receive. It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. And it’s in dying that we are born again to eternal life.”

Many, many relationships start well. Few end well. But those who habitually honor other people – their mates, their families, their parents, their coworkers, fellow church members, their neighbors – they build friendships that are deep, intimate, authentic, and they last a lifetime.

My challenge, my challenge is to take this package of the “one anothers” and make the litmus test of your life, if you are honoring others, by the grace of God, and decide about where you park, about where you eat, about what you say, about what you do with your time, about what you do with your money, about what you do with your spiritual gifts, and decide, “I’m going to honor others.”

And the day will come where not only will relationships be deep, God will honor you beyond your wildest imagination because He promised it. I think in God’s eyes that’s what it means to be a winner.