Practice #2: Do Life In Community

Practice number one is coming before God daily.

Practice number two is doing life in community.

Let me tell you what I mean by that.

It's the personal application, first by developing a mindset of a servant, where you go through life each moment of each day, and it will take practice, where you're looking for the needs of other people and asking, "Oh God, Holy Spirit living in me, which needs do You want me to meet?" It's a sensitivity that's very outwardly focused.

Second it’s participating in vulnerable, in depth relationships with fellow believers through mutual support and accountability that builds up the body of Christ.

And then for those that are pastors and leaders, I would just remind you that our goal, our desire is to create a church culture where people are serving in love, where they find themselves in authentic groups that not only are growing but multiplying and inviting other people in, so that people feel loved and connected. A program doesn't do that. Sitting in a service with a few hundred people or a few thousand people, you can't experience authentic community apart from the container of some kind of a small group.

Well, let's look at the core of authentic community theologically, understanding the problem. Are you ready for this? This goes all the way back to the garden.

Humanity was made in the image of a relational God. Think of that. “Let us make man in our image.” The Trinity - one essence, three persons - by definition is relational. We're made in His image. We desperately need to be connected to other people as well as God.

Second, even in the best environment, in a perfect environment, it's not good to be alone.

You know, Adam was in perfect relationship with God. There was no sin. It was a perfect environment, and what did He say? "It's not good for man to be alone." And so, there was a corresponding partner, a connection, someone who was like him and for him, and the human mankind of male and female coming together in a connection with vulnerability and no shame.

And third, sin broke our relationship with God and then with one another.

You know, once sin entered in, once disobedience came, once the rebellion started, it was very interesting. They're hiding from God, and then when God comes and asks a few questions, what does Adam do? This love of his life, "It's not me, it's her." And then, He asks her, “It's not me.” It’s, “Who created this place and this serpent?"

What I want you to understand is that sin breaks down community and we all struggle with that, but we're made for a relationship.

So, let's talk about what do we mean by community? What is biblical community?

Maybe the most concise definition I could give you: Biblical community is shared life with God and each other. That key word is “shared.” Koinonia, it's a Greek word that means sharing life together.

In Acts 2, when they had all things in common and the believers were living out their faith together, they talked about this koinonia, this shared life, shared heart, shared resources. It's accomplished first and foremost by Christ. We need to understand that this connection and this unity isn't just something we pull out of the air.

The apostle Paul is teaching who we are in Christ, in the book of Ephesians. [He] talks about where we were in chapter two and we were lost and alien and enemies of God.

And then by verse 11 through the end of chapter two, he talks about, "Christ has now divided or broken down the wall," and he's speaking to that group of the wall between Jew and Gentile.

There was the court of the Gentiles and the Gentiles couldn't come into this inner place to worship God, and Jesus tore down that wall.

And now in the body of Christ, the apostle Paul would go on to say, "There's not Jew or Gentile. There's not slave or free. There's not male or female. There's humanity." And there is this new supernatural community that's not based on nationalities or your race or your gender. There is this family of God, this community that God has opened the door and the day will come, every tribe, every nation, every tongue, people with all kind of backgrounds, all kind of cultures, all kind of languages, we're going to have connection from the heart. Jesus accomplished that for us and then He enabled it.

First Corinthians chapter 12 says that when you receive Jesus as your Savior, when I receive Christ as my savior, the Holy Spirit took us not just out of the kingdom of darkness and into the kingdom of light, but He baptized us, He dipped us, He placed us in a new family, the body of Christ. And then we experience that with one another as we do life the way Jesus did life, with one another.

What I want you to understand is that this koinonia, this sharing, this community, it's the most attractive thing in the world because your heart and my heart have this one cry. Who will accept me? Who will love me just for me? And God longs for us to have that. But unfortunately, even as followers of Jesus, we can talk about community, we can believe in community, but we don't practice the very thing that Jesus practiced.

Here's the implication of biblical community. Biblical community goes beyond social connection to - are you ready? - a family commitment.

You're actually a member of the family.

Listen to what - Romans chapter 8. It says, "We have been adopted by God whereby our spirit now cries Abba Father." We haven't received a spirit of slavery but a spirit of an adoption. It's just like a adopting a child and now we're part of a brand new family, and we have family connection and family responsibility.

And this addresses two of our greatest needs.

It addresses our fear of rejection. There's a place that you really belong.

You see, we are now children of God because the Spirit of God dwells inside of us. It addresses our fear of rejection, and it also addresses our insecurity.

You know, the hard part about relationships is that everybody seems like they fit except you. And what the scripture says is that just as our human bodies have many parts and all the parts don't have the same function, so we who are many individually belong to one another. That's Romans 12:4 and 5.

And then he goes on to talk about God has given us different gifts that as we exercise those gifts, we have inadequacies and struggles and insecurities, and other people's gifts fit into ours. And so not only do we belong, but are you ready for this? If you're a follower of Jesus Christ, you are needed. The body can't be without you. You bring a personality, a set of gifts, a family life background. You see, biblical community is like a supernatural family, that we're committed to one another at a level even beyond blood relationship.

Well, Jesus wanted the disciples to understand that if you're going to follow Me, remember what He said? "Follow Me and I'll make you fishers of men, I want you to not only hear My teaching, I want you to not only be with Me but become like Me; I want you to do what I actually did."

And so, He's going to model for them, here's how you do life in community.

First and foremost, Jesus invited people into His personal world.

If you read His life carefully, it seems like He's eating a meal with someone, He's going to eat a meal with someone or He is coming back from eating a meal with someone. He just invited people into His life in the regular flow.

People mattered. What they thought mattered. Their life mattered. He was curious. He wanted to get to know them. He opened His life and He invited them into His.

He considered others as more important than Himself. In relationships, He had that servant mindset. The Son of Man didn't come to what? Be served but to serve. We often think of that as either like a waiter, or yes, He had this great theological calling, but I think when Jesus sat down and had a meal with someone, the focus wasn't on Him. The focus was on, "What's going on in your life? How are you doing? How's your marriage going? I noticed you have a small child. Tell me a little bit about him." That's the kind of way that Jesus was and He wanted to model for the disciples and for us. That's how community starts, with the mindset of servanthood.

He chose 12. When He was going to get really serious - they wanted to be with Him - and there were lots of disciples and everyone raising their hand, "I'm going to be Your disciple." You find someone who can raise people from the dead and feed 5,000, lots of people, "Oh Jesus, Jesus, I want to be on Your team!"

And He prayed all night and He says that they might be - are you ready? - it's the “with-Him” principle. What He knew is what's also true of us. We become like the people we hang out with.

Solomon wrote it in Proverbs 13:20. "He who dwells with wise men will be wise, but the companion of a fool will suffer harm." He knew the only way for them to really catch His values, catch His heart, become servants and have the kind of community, it couldn't just be when things were going well. Community happens when you're tired, when you're disappointed, when you're sad, when you're struggling, when you're angry. That's when we need the kind of loving, genuine, authentic support that we both give and that we receive.

And then Jesus did what we all long for. He loved, He forgave, He inspired, He affirmed. He prayed with them and He prayed for them, and He rebuked them. "Peter, get behind Me." He shot it straight, and then He did something often we don't think about. He shared His heart. He shared His dreams. He was fully human.

The scripture says in Hebrews that in the days of His flesh, He cried out to God with loud cries and tears. Jesus wasn't superman. He wasn't like God in a man-suit. He was fully human with all the emotions and all the temptations and all the needs that all of us have, so He by the power of the Holy Spirit could model for you and model for me, "This is what it looks like to live. Surrendered to the Father."

And then what He modeled is none of us can do it alone. Remember, even when He was going to the cross, He said, after the Lord's Supper, “I desire to eat this meal with you." And then He said, "I need you all. Would you pray with Me?" If Jesus needed people to pray with Him and stand with Him and encourage Him in His toughest times, how much more do you and how much more do I?

But He didn't just model it. He served, developed a small group. He became a true friend, I mean a real friend through thick and thin to those disciples and to many others. And then He taught very specifically about biblical community, and He taught some of the most outrageous, radical things that are so counterintuitive - are you ready?

When Jesus taught about community, He taught greatness is achieved by humility and servanthood, not power and prestige. Now, think of that. You want real community. For most of us, "Well, people will like me if I'm powerful or if I'm rich or if I have a lot of likes or if I'm this on social media, or if I get to the top of my game or I'm a great this or a great that." And Jesus said, "Disciples, greatness comes when you consider others more important than yourself." Humility. Greatness comes. You want to be first? Be the servant of all.

And this conversation isn't like in the early days. I'm quoting out of Luke chapter 22. They're on their way to the last supper and Jesus is walking a bit behind them and they're arguing about something, and He comes and asks them, "Hey, what's the deal?" And they were arguing about who's the greatest. And what I love is He didn't reprove them. He didn't say, "You should never have thoughts of doing something great with your life." He just changed the paradigm. He said, "Do you want to be great? Be the servant. You want to be number one? You be the last."

What He was telling them is: I want you to understand that having dreams and ambitions and drive, that's not a bad thing, but what you need to do is you need to measure success the right way. And in community, what makes community great is when there's servanthood, when there's other-centeredness. And this counterintuitive thing happens, and you've experienced it. I've experienced it. When we give our life away, that's when we receive and have the deepest connections with people.

He also taught that God's blessing and favor come when we put the needs of others first. Later that very same night, He would wash their feet, and Peter would say, you know the story, right? "Not me, Lord." And Jesus would say, "If I don't do this, you don't have any part in Me." And when He gets completely done, He gave them a theological lesson. He said, "I am your Master and Lord," and they all nodded, "Yeah, sure." "If I, your Master and Lord, do this for you, serve you, blessed are you if you do this for one another."

The very last lesson, the visual that burned into their mind, and they all came in by the way, the context is they were all too proud to wash anybody's feet, and the reason that everybody's feet was dirty sitting around a low table where you would eat like this and your feet were near someone's face was because everyone thought they were above that role. And I think they felt humiliated when Jesus came in and He took the role, not just of a servant but the lowest servant in a household who would wash people's feet.

And see, what's made the faith, what's made Christianity, what's changed the world is this counterintuitive, other-centered, loving focus toward other people that makes no sense in our flesh. I mean, I'm like you. I want me, I want mine. I want to be in control. I want to be first. I don't like to wait in line. I don't like to wait in the grocery store. I don't like to wait to get on a plane, and when I get on the plane, I don't want to be last to get my food. That's who we are.

But when by the power of the Holy Spirit, because we're practicing coming before God and we rub up and we see Him more and more for who He is, and then we grasp that we're His child and that we're loved and forgiven, we're accepted, and out of that can flow and other-centered focus on others. It's just an amazing, beautiful thing that begins to happen in relationships, and that's how community gets built.

Jesus said: Love is measured by sacrifice, not by words or not by emotions. You know, we're all caught up with how do I feel and I feel this way about that and I think they think that about me, and Jesus said: Here's what you need to understand. Community at the core of it, the Father loves the Son, the Son loves the Father, the Father loves the Holy Spirit. In the Trinity, there's this mutuality, there's this other-centered focus."

And He said: What I want you all to share in your relationships as my new adopted family in Christ is what we share in the Godhead. And what He said is that love is costly. There's real sacrifice. I can love people in superficial ways, I can love people in ways that appear that I really care, and then I can love people where, "Wow, Lord, I don't want to do this. I want that for me, not for them, but by Your grace, I'm going to choose to put their needs first."

And when we do, biblical community is one of the most powerful witnesses on the face of the earth.
Could I tell you that when you do life with other Christians, I don't mean go to meetings. I don't even mean just have a small group. I mean when you do life with other Christians and you sacrifice and you're authentic and you're real and you love one another and you care for one another.

When you invite people outside of Christ into that world, I will tell you, it's one of the most powerful apologetics in all the world. In fact, Jesus would say in John 13, after He had washed their feet, He says, "A new commandment I've given to you, that you love one another." How? "In the same way that I loved you. Sacrificial, other-centered, costly. By this, that kind of love, the world will know that the Father sent Me."

Well, let's get down to brass tacks and talk about, how do you do this?

How do you live life in community?

Okay, step number one, go into training daily to develop a servant's attitude in every relational environment, okay?

Here's what I want you to know. This isn't something like, Oh, I'm just going to get in a group and we're all going to share deeply and it's going to happen overnight. This begins with you and this begins with me, always first with a mindset, and the mindset is that, “have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus.” Well, what was His attitude? He considered others more important than Himself.

If you want to have great community, it starts with a mindset and an identity, and by the way, this is hard. Don't get me wrong. You have to have the Spirit of God living in you for this to really work, but here's the mindset. I am second. I am second. I am second in my marriage. I am second in this group. I am second at work. I'm going to be thinking about where are the needs and what's going on?

Now, we all have a role. We all have needs. I'm not saying that you become a doormat, but what I'm saying is most of our mentality, even when we disguise it well as Christians, is life is really about me and my needs and my desires. And we've learned some pretty sophisticated games - I play them and you play them - to appear loving, to appear caring, to do things that are kind but they don't cost us much.

Authentic community begins with going into training.

I've written on cards, "Chip, I want you today to view other people the way Jesus views them. Not by their outward appearance, not by what they have or what they've accomplished, but see them as God sees them. Man looks on the outward appearance. The Lord weighs the heart."

And I read and read it and read it until little by little, I started making progress of looking at someone really rich in the Porsche that pulls up next to me and instead of going, "Boy, I bet that guy's a rich jerk." Not that any of you would ever think a thought like that, or then a Volkswagen van and a guy all tatted up and Rastafarian hair and smoking a little weed in between the light changing and thinking, that guy's out to lunch.

I just began to make up stories - I bet the Lord has really blessed that guy and he's probably one of the most generous Christians, and one of the things he really likes is his sports car. Lord, would You bless him today?

And I had some experiences with people that I thought were really crazy and weird looking, and I remember thinking, Lord, You know something? Wow, I don't know what's going on in that guy's life, but what I know is You love him and he's made in Your image. And so, he dresses differently than me. He's probably looking at me and thinking, you're one of those preppy pastor looking people. And I just started doing that so that I didn't judge people, I didn't put them in a category.

Community begins where we stop looking at people on the outside and asking, "What can I get from them or how can I impress them?" And ask, "What are the needs in their life?" Not just the superficial ones, but the heart needs, the relational needs, and how could you be an instrument and how could I be an instrument to take the love of Christ and the compassion of Christ and the mercy of Christ, to lean in and help them?

The second thing we need to do is you need to start or join a small group that is serious about practicing the “one another” commands in the New Testament.

So, some of you are maybe in a group, but there's a lot of groups that, right, you might watch a little video or you say you're going to do a study and it's still pretty superficial. You need to either start or be in some sort of smaller group where people are serious to say, "You know these one another commands in the New Testament? We want to live these out."

If you're not familiar with them, I put it in my notes and there's a passage next to each one, but I'll just rattle them off. All I want you to do is think about your life, your current relationships, whether you're in a group or not in a group or even family relationships, church, I just want you to think of: Do I practice these? Am I getting to receive these?

We're commanded to be devoted to one another in mutual love, to accept one another, to be kind and compassionate to one another, to forgive one another, to admonish one another, to live in harmony with one another, to bear one another's burdens, to spur one another on, to love in good works and to love one another.

What I can tell you is that can't happen in just a program or a big room. As important as hearing God's Word and worshiping and corporate worship is, that's not authentic community. That's an important part of our walk with God, of learning about Him and growing and being connected and expressing our praise, but you got to have some people that really know you.

Recently, I've been in sort of a transition. For years, I was a senior pastor and with that brought structure. I had the elders in my home every month and we would have a meal together, them and their wives, and there was no agenda. We talked about kids, grandkids, life, whatever, and we were just a big family. A big, big long table and all of us, and it was an hour, hour and a half, just a casual meal.

And then I would take the guys and I would go into the kitchen and my wife would take the ladies and they would go into the living room, and I'm not sure what they did except they never wanted to leave, and they prayed and shared, and I got with these group of men, about six or seven other men, and once a month, it was like we want to be Romans 12 Christians.

"So guys, how are you really doing in your life being surrendered? Or how are you doing separate from the world's values? Or what's your biggest struggle right now? Share with me something where God is speaking to you right now from scripture." And I mean it was raw, it was real. I wasn't Chip the pastor. I was just Chip, a fellow brother with six or seven men that loved me. And we heard about mean painful things and difficult things and things that were in some of our past, and I can tell you is that we wanted to be the kind of small group that we wanted every single person in the church to get to experience, because I know you can't impart what you don't possess.

And so, I wanted to make sure that we experienced that, but that was so rich and it was so good. And then God called me to be full-time at Living on the Edge, and that meant that those elders weren't coming to my house, and so the structure was gone.

And I have good relationships at work and I have a couple of good buddies here and I've got some board members at Living on the Edge that we're so close, but a lot of it's on Zoom. And I have to tell you, I got to the point where I just looked at my wife and said, "I'm preaching about authentic community and I don't have it."

I'm glad I've got good relationships and I can do a one-on-one with this guy, or I play golf with this one board member who's godly and we share what's going on, so I've got it in pieces. I got to the point, I literally, I went to church and I just started looking around, and there's one guy I kind of knew. I said, "Are you in a group with anybody?" All guys in their forties. And he goes, "No." I said, "Do you want to be in a discipleship group with me?"

And [the] guy said, "I'll pray about it, yeah." And so, I asked another guy, then I asked another guy. Pretty soon, we tried to get them together and their schedules are nuts, like your schedule, I mean nuts.

So finally, it was, "Okay, 6:00 AM Monday mornings, let's meet." And so, we met and we decided that we'd study Romans 12 since I already know that chapter. And then I said, "Hey guys, you may think that this is like I want to disciple you all. Okay, that's not it. I want to learn. Can I tell you guys something? I really need you. Guys, I've just got to tell you, I need a place where I can just be Chip and I can be in the scriptures and we can do life together."

And I have to tell you, it has brought life to my soul. There's no substitute for it. I can't admonish one another. I can't be devoted to one another. I can't open my heart and share my challenges unless I have people in my life like that, and that is God's major design for each and every one of us.

And so, I want to do a little test. I'm going to do something. Are you ready? This is mildly threatening, but when I think of the most concise, practical picture of authentic community, I think of Romans 12, verses 9 through 13, and it's really a picture of authentic community.

And as you study it carefully, it basically boils down to the real you shows up, and you meet real needs, and you meet them for the right reason, and you do it with the right resources.

So, what I want to do, I just want to read, it's only four little verses. I'm going to read those verses, and I just want to ask you a question about each one. Because here's my heart's desire. If you’re not experiencing authentic community, biblical community, you're not experiencing the love God wants to give you, and you're not giving the love that other people need.

So, let me go ahead and read Romans 12, verses nine through 13. Listen carefully. "Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil, cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love, giving preference to one another in honor. Not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality."

Now lean back and let me just ask you a question that flows out of this short passage in Romans 12, verses 9 through 13. Are you ready?

Question number one, is the real me showing up in my relationships or a projection of what I want others to think?

How about you? In other words, are you authentic and are you pure?

Question number two, am I meeting real needs in people's lives or only superficial ones?

In other words, am I really devoted to others and do I put others first? These are penetrating, aren't they?

The third question is, am I doing kind acts for Jesus or to please people and gain the approval of others?

So, in your relationships, what are your motives and are you passionate about caring about people are kind of passive?

Then the final question is, am I serving others in my strength or in the power of the Holy Spirit?

So, do I have an upward focus? In the midst of it all, I'm rejoicing in hope, devoted to prayer, drawing from God to give to others. Or do I have an inward focus? I'm burned out, I'm overwhelmed. I keep giving myself away. And if you give yourself away out of your strength and your resources, you will be overwhelmed.

I don't ask those questions. I know they're penetrating and some of the answers are probably like, "Oh, Chip, I wish I would've not had this time with you. Those were so painful." But here's what I want you to know. I only ask those questions because they reveal how much you and I get distracted, how deep in your soul and my soul, we can find ourselves isolated and lonely. It doesn't mean we're not going to church, it doesn't mean we're not even in a group here or there. It doesn't mean we're not reading the Bible some and praying on the run. That's not the Christian life and that's not the kind of follower of Jesus that transforms the world.

We can't do this life alone. I can't and you can't. All the commands in the New Testament are in what's called the second person plural. It's kind of the way the Texans talk. If it's an individual, they say, "Hey, can you come over here?" And if there's a group, they say, "Hey, you all, come over here." You all be devoted to one another. You all love one another. You all live in harmony. You all be concerned for each other. You all bear one another's burdens.

Real authentic community is costly. Wow, it's costly. It requires a radical commitment to make time, to meet regularly, and to go deep. The only reason we started at six o'clock Monday morning is because I couldn't get a time anywhere in their schedule or mine where we could get together, and that means those guys are getting up at 4:30 or 5:00 to get ready for work and other things, and then be right here in this office at 6:00 AM.

It demands new levels of honesty. It means you've got to start getting more real with people and sharing who you really are, and by the way, the process is messy. Relationships are hurtful. When you start breaking down barriers and sharing some authenticity, you're going to have some people that, guess what? They won't take it well. They may use what you share, or you've already had this happen and you're thinking, "Man, I'm not going to be vulnerable anymore." There's always risk in deep relationships, but the rewards are always greater.

But it is messy, it is hard. People will make mistakes, you'll make mistakes. You have to learn to give grace and to receive grace, but I will tell you, the payoff for community is rich. It is life-giving. It is powerful. It is an amazing testimony, and here's the deal.

When you live a life and you get up and you know that, to use an old phrase, this person and this person and that person, they have my back. They're for me, and it doesn't matter if my job changes, it doesn't matter what other people think. They love me for me, and are you ready? They really know me because I've been honest with them. We're in this together, and I really know them. When you experience that, I will tell you what. You will see God do things in your life and through your life that will absolutely amaze you.

The world is filled with very desperate, lonely people. About 61% of them, six out of 10 people that you walk by each and every day feel isolated and lonely. You can invite them into your world. You can make a difference. You can be in community each and every week, receiving life and giving life.

So, let me ask you, what's your next baby step for you to get into community? I mean, the real thing. And here's the harder question. What do you need to stop in order to create the margin and the time for you to have the kind of relationships that require time.

I would say more than anything else, stopping some of the activity, stopping some of the stuff. People's weekends are just filled with such activity, but so little meaningful, deep connection.

So, let me ask you, who would you like to go deeper with? When you think of a fellow believer and you think, "I'd really like to get to know her or him, or that couple, wouldn't it be great?" Here's a place to start. Why don't you just share a meal together? And in that meal, nothing heavy, just say, "You know, I listened to or I watched a video and it was about being in community, and here are some thoughts. What do you think about that?" And see if God doesn't begin to birth some relationships that allow you to experience life that's really life.