When sorrow overwhelms and the present seems bleak, God’s presence and gentle strength can become your lifeline.
When tragedy strikes, life can shatter in an instant. For Guy, that moment came when he pulled up to his son’s apartment to pick up his wife, only to receive a text from his son that read, “Call the police. I’ve killed her.”
In one day, he lost his childhood sweetheart, Hazel, and the son he loved deeply.
This is Guy’s story of loss, faith, forgiveness, and the long road of learning to survive with God’s presence.
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- My Life Before The Loss
- The Day That Changed Everything
- How I Found God In The Valley Of Grief
- How Forgiveness And Worship Began To Heal Me
My Life Before The Loss
I live in southwest England, in a seaside town where Hazel and I met at 15. Childhood sweethearts, best friends. We raised two sons and made beautiful memories. There’s a picture I keep of her, curled up in a chair in Cornwall, scarf around her neck, smiling.
There were joyful years, and there were battles too. Especially when our eldest son hit his mid-teens. He was diagnosed with both Asperger’s and Borderline Personality Disorder. Two conditions that often pull against each other in painful, confusing ways.
As his mental health spiraled, our home became a place of instability and emotional intensity. We lived through multiple suicide attempts, self-harm episodes, and even assaults. It was overwhelming as a father, as a husband, and as a man of faith.
And then came July 29, 2023.
The Day That Changed Everything
When trauma strikes, your heart can split in two. The day Hazel died, I had dropped her off to help our son clean his flat. I went to a nearby cafe to work, expecting to pick her up in a few hours. Instead, I found myself in the back of a police car, numb with grief.
The pain of losing my wife was one thing. But there was another grief, too. I had also lost my son, emotionally and physically, all in one breath. There are no words for that kind of sorrow.
I remember crying out to the Lord, again and again, “How do I even take the next step?” From funeral arrangements to identifying Hazel’s body, I was on my knees, pleading for wisdom.
And somehow, every time, God met me. Not always with answers, but with presence.
How I Found God In The Valley Of Grief
A friend gave me a book just a few days after Hazel’s death: The A.R.T. of Survival by Chip Ingram. I didn’t know it then, but it would become my field manual for grief.
Chip walks through James 1, showing how God meets us in trials not with easy fixes, but with deep strength. Reading that book didn’t erase the pain. But it helped me anchor to something stronger than the storm.
Watch Chip’s YouTube series: The A.R.T. of Survival: Learn how to endure, grow, and even thrive in the face of pain.
How Forgiveness And Worship Began To Heal Me
In the darkest hours, worship music became my oxygen. I couldn’t always pray. But I could listen. I could weep and sing. I could choose to trust that Jesus—a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief—understood.
Sometimes, choosing joy just means refusing to shut your heart down. More than one year later, I am still grieving and still growing.
It’s been over a year now. I still read The A.R.T. of Survival, and I still turn to Chip’s Romans 12 teaching in True Spirituality.
“Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.” (Romans 12:21)
That verse has become a lifeline. I don’t have all the answers. But I know God is with me in the heartbreak. And I know Hazel is with Him.
People ask if I’ve forgiven my son. The answer is yes. I love him deeply. Forgiveness doesn’t mean erasing consequences or pretending everything is okay. It means releasing vengeance and letting God carry what I can’t.
Chip Ingram’s Encouragement for Anyone Walking Through Grief
I am so grateful Guy shared his story with our team.
Setbacks like Guy’s aren’t just painful. And while you may not have experienced that level of tragedy, unexpected setbacks or emotional surprises can be paralyzing, and you may find yourself staring at the ceiling, wondering if you’re ever going to feel normal again. You might not even know what normal looks like anymore. If you’re there, you are not failing. You are grieving.
So where do you go from here? How do you begin to move forward when everything in you wants to shut down?
1. Surround Yourself with What’s True
Start with your attitude. Not the surface-level kind. We’re talking about perspective. James 1 says, “Consider it pure joy when you encounter various trials.” That doesn’t mean slap on a smile. It means choosing to see your pain through a new lens. Instead of asking, “Why me?” try asking, “What now?”
Then reach for the right resources. Spiritual resilience isn’t automatic. It grows when we surround ourselves with what nourishes our soul.
—Maybe that’s worship music.
—Maybe it’s journaling a few honest thoughts to God.
—Maybe it’s getting outside.
Whatever you do, you only need to choose one small practice that moves you toward health this week.
Next, go back to what’s true about God. What you believe about Him matters most when life falls apart. God is not punishing you. He’s not distant. The cross proves He steps into suffering. Romans 8:28 doesn’t promise everything will feel good. But it does promise nothing will be wasted.
2. Give Yourself Room to Grieve
Let yourself grieve. Deeply. Fully. The Bible doesn’t rush you past pain. Jesus wept. David poured out laments. Grief isn’t weakness. It’s an act of faith that says, “God, I’m still here.”
Finally, choose one next step. Just one. Maybe that’s getting out of bed tomorrow. Maybe it’s opening a devotional. Maybe it’s calling a friend. Walking forward doesn’t mean you’ve moved on. It just means you’re still breathing and still trusting.
Like Guy, you may not feel strong. But you are not alone. God meets people right where their strength runs out.
Resources for Navigating Grief and Tragedy
When life turns upside down, it’s easy to feel paralyzed. Like you’re too overwhelmed even to know where to begin. If that’s where you are, you’re not alone. When you’re in deep pain, taking one more step forward can feel impossible. That’s okay.
You don’t have to feel ready. You just have to be willing. Start small. Pick one thing from this list and lean in:
Read something real.
The A.R.T. of Survival is a book for people navigating pain, not avoiding it. It won’t tie things up with a bow, but it will help you breathe again.
Watch something steadying.
The A.R.T. of Survival YouTube series walks through James 1—one short video at a time. Let it meet you right where you are.
Reflect with purpose.
The 10-day A.R.T. of Survival Daily Discipleship series is personal, practical, and quiet enough to hear God’s voice again.
Don’t do this alone. Healing happens in community. Tell a friend what you’re walking through. Ask someone to go through a resource with you. Sometimes the best way forward is together.
Friend, don’t rush. Just begin. God’s not waiting for you to “get over it.” And He’s already with you in it.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
Written By
Chip Ingram
Founder & Teaching Pastor, Living on the Edge
Chip Ingram is the CEO and teaching pastor of Living on the Edge, an international teaching and discipleship ministry. A pastor for over thirty years, Chip has a unique ability to communicate truth and challenge people to live out their faith. He is the author of many books, including The Real God, Culture Shock and The Real Heaven. Chip and his wife, Theresa, have four grown children and twelve grandchildren and live in California.
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