Discover how to grow in your faith by building healthy relationships with God, others, and the world, following the principles of Romans 12.
God never intended for us to figure out life on our own. Romans 12 gives us a clear pathway to five essential relationships that every Christian needs that will shape our faith, renew our minds, and transform our lives.
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- A Surrendered Relationship with God
- An Honest Relationship with Yourself
- A Supportive Relationship with the Church
- A Humble Relationship with Difficult People
- A Missional Relationship with Your Community and City
- When These Five Relationships Work Together…
- How to Build Relationships That Last
1. A Surrendered Relationship with God
Romans 12:1 — “Offer your bodies as a living sacrifice…this is your true and proper worship.”
Healthy relationships start vertically. You can’t offer peace, patience, or presence to others if you’re not rooted in surrender to God. This isn’t a halfway commitment. It’s your whole self—dreams, time, past, future—laid down in worship.
When my wife Theresa went into labor with our first child, everything was going as planned—until it wasn’t. The heartbeat started slowing down during contractions, and doctors rushed in multiple times. For 27 hours, I sat beside her, watching monitors, praying, wondering if I might lose my son…or my wife. We prayed. We cried. And we gave that little boy back to God—over and over. At one point, I knelt on the linoleum floor of the hospital room, holding our newborn, tears streaming down my face, and I just said, “Lord, he’s yours.”
This was an act of surrender. I was desperate, but above all, I chose to trust and remember that God was in control, even when I wasn’t.
💭 Ask Yourself: Have I given God full access to every aspect of my life, or am I holding something back? Am I choosing to trust His ways even when it’s hard?
2. An Honest Relationship with Yourself
Romans 12:3 — “Think of yourself with sober judgment…”
Imagine you’re watching a football game, with high stakes and a close score, and the coach puts in a player who thinks he’s the star quarterback. The problem is that he’s not. He’s actually the team’s kicker. Instead of lining up for the field goal, he tries to take the snap, run the play, and throw the winning pass. Chaos ensues, and the game is lost.
Now, imagine the opposite. The quarterback walks to the sideline and says, “I’m not really that important. Let someone else do it.” So the team runs the play without a leader. Again, chaos ensues, and the game is lost.
That’s what it looks like when we don’t see ourselves clearly.
Romans 12:3 isn’t about thinking less of yourself. It’s about not thinking more—and not thinking less—but thinking accurately. With sober judgment. You were made by God for a purpose.
Not to impress people. Not to disappear. But to play your part.
And when you stop pretending to be someone else, or minimizing who God made you to be, you can finally show up with purpose and peace.
💭 Ask Yourself: Am I living out of who I really am in Christ, or out of fear, insecurity, or pride?
3. A Supportive Relationship with the Church
Romans 12:5 — “In Christ, we though many, form one body…”
Early in my ministry, I had more passion than wisdom. I was a young pastor who often felt like a fraud—like I wasn’t enough. There were days I seriously thought about quitting. I just didn’t think I had what it took. But God surrounded me with a group of godly men in my small group. They weren’t impressed by titles—they were honest, faithful brothers who prayed for me, challenged me, and reminded me of the calling God had placed on my life. When I couldn’t stand on my own, they stood with me. And that changed everything.
Healthy relationships flourish in spiritual community. Not just sitting in rows, but serving, confessing, and encouraging. You can’t be the body of Christ alone.
💭 Ask Yourself: Am I deeply connected to believers who stretch and strengthen my faith? How can I work to develop those kinds of relationships?
4. A Humble Relationship with Difficult People
Romans 12:18 — “As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Let’s be honest: this kind of relationship—humbly staying engaged with difficult people—is probably the hardest calling we have. Because everything in us cries out for fairness. We want justice. We want retribution. But often, what we really want is control.
And in those moments, we forget the mountain of grace God has lavished on us. We forget that we’ve been forgiven more than we could ever repay! When you remember how much mercy you’ve received, it softens your heart toward those who least deserve it. That’s not weakness. That’s Christlikeness.
💭 Ask Yourself: Resist the urge to ask, “Are they worthy of grace?” Instead, ask yourself, \”Will I trust God enough to give it anyway?\”
5. A Missional Relationship with Your Community and City
Romans 12:21 — “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
One of my friends runs a business in a tough part of town. Theft, broken contracts, disrespect—it’s routine. But instead of lashing out or closing shop, he stays. He mentors his employees. He prays with customers. He absorbs the cost of grace. And every once in a while, someone asks him, “Why are you still here?” And he says, “Because this is exactly where Jesus would be.”
We don’t win people with arguments. We reach them through integrity. Through kindness, when it’s inconvenient. Through compassion, when it costs us something. That’s what makes your faith believable.
You don’t need a platform to be a missionary. Just a willingness to reflect Christ wherever you are.
💭 Ask Yourself: Who’s watching how I respond—and what are they learning about Jesus through me?
Dive deeper into True Spirituality with our comprehensive study guide.
When These Five Relationships Work Together…
Everything shifts. When you’re surrendered to God, you’re free to be honest with yourself. That self-awareness allows you to serve authentically in community. That community gives you the strength to love difficult people. And that love becomes a witness to a watching world.
This is the heart of a Romans 12 life. This is what healthy Christian relationships look like.
How to Build Relationships That Last
Healthy relationships don’t happen by accident. They’re not the result of reading the right book or finding the right people. They’re the outcome of a transformed life.
They grow in the soil of surrender—where you lay down your rights, your wounds, your need to be right.
They’re shaped by clear-eyed humility, where you see yourself, not through shame or ego, but through the truth of who God says you are.
And they’re fueled by love that doesn’t come from you, but from the Spirit of God living in you.
This kind of life goes far beyond improving your relationships. It reorders your priorities. It reframes your pain. It puts Jesus—not your expectations, your emotions, or even your past—at the center.
Don’t mistake becoming a Romans 12 Christian with self-help. Rather, it’s a declaration:
“I will no longer conform to the patterns of this world. I will be transformed, from the inside out, by the renewing of my mind. And that transformation will touch every relationship I have.”
It starts with a yes. God’s will for every child of His is that they would become a Romans 12 Christian.
Are you ready to let God reshape your relationships by first reshaping you?
Want to go deeper? Begin the 17-day online study “True Spirituality” with Chip Ingram.
Discover how to renew your mind, live with purpose, and build the kind of relationships that reflect Christ in every area of your life.
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Written By
Chip Ingram
Founder & Teaching Pastor, Living on the Edge
Chip Ingram is the CEO and teaching pastor of Living on the Edge, an international teaching and discipleship ministry. A pastor for over thirty years, Chip has a unique ability to communicate truth and challenge people to live out their faith. He is the author of many books, including The Real God, Culture Shock and The Real Heaven. Chip and his wife, Theresa, have four grown children and twelve grandchildren and live in California.
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